Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by i'm_not_neo, Jan 23, 2007.

  1. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    This is is no way close or related to the original song...this is just another way of looking at the title "zombie"...While the original had a more universal message,mine is just a love poem...


    Something about you
    The eyes,the smile,
    the enigmatic fragrance,
    thats the key to my life
    my only source of vibrance.

    I've never seen death before
    I had never "felt" life before
    But all has changed since I fell in love
    It feels like life when I'm with you.
    This body goes soul-less without you,

    Is it so hard to get,
    You are the only thing,
    that prevents my soul from escaping,
    Without you I'm nothing but a,
    Dead man walking.

    So tell me the truth.
    Is it really so hard to see,
    without you in my life,
    I'm nothing but a zombie.

    So,come back to me
    Come to set me free,
    Prevent your lover boy
    from being one of those zombies,
    Coz after this life with you
    I wanna be in heaven
    With a tombstone that says "Rest In Peace".
    born2tab likes this.
  2. loyal

    loyal New Member

    cool!!, reps for sure !!!
  3. born2tab

    born2tab rhythm guitarist

    reps ...but ending cud have been better..n e way nice one after a long time..whr had u been???
  4. #iR@


    always enjoy reading ur work man! :)
  5. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    @loyal...thanx for reading the poem and reps...

    @born2tab...thanx for the reps...about the end,can you specify what u were expecting....

    @Hira..Really right?
  6. rjm12

    rjm12 New Member

    nice work....
  7. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    @rjm12...thank you..
  8. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    It went downhill after the first verse.

    Firstly, don't call it JUST a love poem. That's half an insult to an emotion that everyone yearns for yet smirks at.

    The first thing that came to mind was that the whole poem was rather cliche but then again, isn't love a cliche in itself? It's hard for a love poem to be different because it's been written so many million times that it gets difficult to be original since what we feel is the same emotion (yet in so many different ways). However, a love poem that is different automatically gets top marks. It's not easy to write though.

    I think this would make a better song than a poem because the words are simple, flow well and don't really have a terribly deep rooted meaning in them (i.e.- what you see is what you get as far as I can tell, correct me if Im wrong).

    I like the general concept because I agree with it that you'd be a zombie without love....something that a lot of intellectuals would argue against. The only choice of words that I didn't like was "lover boy" since it sounds corny in what was otherwise a serene setting. I mean...lover boy sounds nice with phat beats and hip hop rhymes but not when you talk about being a zombie without love.

    A different critique from the other one....sorry that I rambled but I tend to do that :)
  9. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    @bjr:I had no idea this one had a reply..sorry for such a late reply.


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