When you smiled at me!

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by walk_alone, Feb 26, 2006.

  1. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    When u smiled at me!

    Its been long,
    long enough that I cant remember;
    wen was the last time,
    when u smiled at me.

    Wish I cd watch u,
    watch u from far away;
    giggling and chuckling,
    and laughing with ur frends.

    Now wen darkness falls,
    and lights of "my hope" fades away;
    I only wish for a miracle,
    I wish that "my hope" never ends.

    Wish I cd hear those words,
    maybe only once.

    Even now wen I think of u,
    I think of flowers and breeze;
    my heart races several beats,
    and my face smiles on its own.

    And then I remember,
    you r not there its just a dream;
    and I scream;
    "Why me,Lord!! why me"?

    I still cant forget that day,
    wen I saw u last ;
    walking down the aisle*,going away,
    hence ripping me apart.

    And then,
    you came to me;
    you smiled,yes u did,
    tears in your eyes gleamed.

    I pinched myself,rubbed my eyes,
    but it was all real;
    yes my love now I know
    that was last when u smiled at me.

    *aisle = Part of a church divided laterally from the nave proper by rows of pillars or columns where bride walks with her father during marriage ceremony.

    (for the only one I ever loved)
    BubblyMartini likes this.
  2. amit82cse

    amit82cse Silent observeR

    hey...awesome poem...
  3. #iR@


    @ pamposh... VERY NICE POEM MAN! :rock: but i am shocked that there's just 1 reply till now anyway... i just want u to know something... man u really rite well... but i would love to see u rite something other than just one topic :eek:: plzz take this positively but then again is just my advice... u r a great poet and u should keep riting but just on different topics everytime! u will surely rite well! :)
  4. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    yes Hira u r very much right..iam restricting myself to only one side.
    yes i wd write smthng diff next time..

    mait thxs yaar.

    as far as only one reply is concerned..i think poemsp osted by gals gets more replies.....LOL...just an observation.
  5. sanju_strings

    sanju_strings 50 Pai$e <3V/S<3 50 CeNt$

    u can only write gud on da topic which ur familiar with n been thru

    nice one@walk_alone
  6. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    good ...its kinda real story i feel......was to be told so written !
  7. nimitr

    nimitr New Member

    hey CASANOVA .... that was an awesome poem man ...
  8. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    thxs guys

    poetry is just an extension of a poet....a parallel life where he is a "God".

    madhuresh,sanjy,nimitr...thxs for taking some time out and reading it.
  9. amit82cse

    amit82cse Silent observeR

    what took you so long to realize the very truth of life....
  10. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    atleast someone agrees with me...wat abt rest???
  11. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    pleasantly melancholic poem..
    sorry but thats how i see it :eek::

    i liked it.
    how do i address you as..... walk_alone? ....is your name pamposh?
    and if you can write on different topics its really good..:)
  12. Varshita

    Varshita New Member

    True expression of how you felt. Well done.
    One suggestion... while posting a poem complete the words... its not chat .. like cd in place of could... The poem loses its charm and this causes a major distraction.
  13. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    bubbly you r very much correct....till now i only write poem wen iam in gloomy mood so i foten come up with this kind of stuff but things are gonna change for sure.

    varshita you are also right...wd ake care of that......errr i mean would...LOL.
  14. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    I can jst imagine this quick transition.
    Great peice. Subject and stryline is very good. And very realistic. Maybe if you sit this down one day and use deep symbolic words...big words..sensuous..instead of words like chuckling and breeze and I. Then you could really hit it home.

    But other than that..its really fantastic. Good Job!
  15. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    U r right petunia but the whole reason of using these kind of words is to make it as simple as i can...not all of us here are very sound in vocab(no offense).
    if u read any of my poems thay all have very simple english words but point taken wd certainly work on it too..

  16. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    Yea dude do that. but sometimes the simplicity is not as appreciated as one wud want it to be. and complexity gives it a pinch of sophisticatedness. ;)
  17. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Things called dictionaries exist bro, dont curtail your poetic expressions by using simplified words or phrases, if people dont have a good range of vocabulary, they'll learn, you just do what comes to you naturally.
  18. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    ok....guess would have to get my dictionary ready then...LOL
  19. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    viva la thesaurus..*on word*
  20. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Or have people learning new vocabulary.

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