Waiting for the Spark !

just wrote my mind out... so read on




With a screwed up past,
and the futures too bleak,
i have this present in my hand
but it aint no gift.

whatever i do,
it goes for a toss
and was a time, when i thought
i'm the boss

feeling all alone
even in the crowd
as if, my body is in shroud,
everyone has left with a sigh
i'm still standing there
just wondering why?

i know it won't last
and things will change,
but this hope seems
to be an illusion
with every situation
turning strange!

i dream just like others
and even i want to make a mark
so with a prayer on my lip
i'm waiting for the spark
just waiting for the spark...



max
who else

 

noice.....

 

i liked it !

 

@eighty two: thankx mate!


@madhuresh: ur comment after a long time.... thanx

..
.

 

This was awesome mate, so good that I had to log in and comment which I rarely do.Maybe I like it more than the others cause you've jotted down exactly what's in my mind. As I progressed through it , it felt as if you were drawing the thoughts out of my mind.

I love this part especially.

i dream just like others
and even i want to make a mark
so with a prayer on my lip
i'm waiting for the spark

 

Helo

Thanks for ur registration

 

It's quite good. You seem to have some trouble in a few verses with flow around 2/3rds of the way in, but its not a bad effort.. Here's a few edits I would've made, tell me what you think..

With a screwed up past,
and (a) future too bleak,
i have this present in my hand
but it aint no gift.

whatever i do,
it goes for a toss
and was a time, when i thought / (i cant recall)
i'm the boss / (how much i've lost)

feeling all alone
even in the crowd
as if, my body is in shroud,
everyone has left with a sigh
i'm still standing there
just wondering, why?

i know it won't last
(that) things will change,
but this hope seems
to be an illusion
with every situation
turning strange!

i dream just like others
and even i want to make a mark
so with a prayer on my lip
i'm waiting for the spark
just waiting for the spark...

 

^ the changes u suggest could be used, i used 'the future' to be specific as everyone want a future of their dream... the 'boss' thing was something i need...u changes cud very well be used otherwise....but at the end..everything is means the same...
As i said.....'just wrote my mind out'.....thanks for ur comments though.

@Mazic_man: in that case, really thank you mate... good to knw someone shares the thought...the last para is my favourite too.. thats y i used this title..

 

^ the changes u suggest could be used, i used 'the future' to be specific as everyone want a future of their dream... the 'boss' thing was something i need...u changes cud very well be used otherwise...
As i said.....'just wrote my mind out'.....thanks for ur comments though.

@Mazic_man: in that case, really thank you mate... good to knw someone shares the thought...the last para is my favourite too.. thats y i used this title..