Under Your Mask

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by Morbid_Angel, Aug 13, 2011.

  1. Morbid_Angel

    Morbid_Angel Sid the sloth

    now that my songwriting skills have improved (thanks to bjr :) ), i'll be writing more often to work on my lyrics.




    The night is nearing
    Still yearning for more
    With pale stones for my grave
    A shattered ending
    Is clearing up my head

    Her words so far from the truth
    Each and every lie
    Indecisive wounds scatter my thoughts
    A painful gift wrapped in ebony
    She falls in my eyes
    So below
    A love that equals blasphemy

    The end of our perfect world
    Feed on my grief
    Friction between our shallow hearts
    Never to be the same

    No more innocence from my side
    We gaze into each other’s eyes
    And witness our own demise

    Beyond this world if you follow me
    No compassion will you ever feel
    Beyond the words that are drowning me
    You expect to be so real, such a lie.

    Bodies intertwined, no caring in this world
    We’ve come to recognize our fall
    In a world so evil as yours
    Lust can hardly be a sin
    How long will it last?
    A symphony of loss
    Keeping aside the pains
    A tyrant’s misgivings
    Our shadows still moving
    How long will it last?

    There will be no more innocence from my side
    Not naïve anymore to your empty heart
    We gaze into each other’s eyes
    Sum up and end these ruthless ties.




    i wrote this a while back but i guess i'll start posting with this coz my recent ones aren't coming that good...
    feedback is very much appreciated !
     
  2. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    very nice..!
     
  3. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    Great job Morbid... I liked it..
     
  4. Morbid_Angel

    Morbid_Angel Sid the sloth

    thank you : )
     
  5. i liked reading the lines ... they are good .. as a feedback i would say " work on the composition of individual lines ...most of them are quite odinary"...

    What ever but... i love the loftyness in gloomy style of writing ... so my final word is ur too gud with this style :D


    keep posting
     
  6. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    Real life experience, huh?
     
  7. harmonizer

    harmonizer The Son of the Moon

    believe me u write so good...i just love scheme-less rhymes. or at least i hate AABB ABAB ABCB etc..
    i wish i had a local friend like u.. :) good job

    and there is nothing to be called ordinary ( even if i'm a beginner m sure ) ....for me, lyrics should have simplicity and emotion...u've put both of them beautifully....man u rock..
     
  8. Morbid_Angel

    Morbid_Angel Sid the sloth

    heh somehow i completely forgot i posted this and didn't see the comments

    thanks to everyone for their feedback! :) especially harmonizer who praises me too much :p:

    @nandy
    i don't think lyrics always need extraordinary stuff ..i'm not writing poetry here just something i can sing (or growl or shout) with the guitar riffs that i write

    @alpha
    vaguely resembles a real-life experience i guess but i wish it didn't >_>
     
  9. harmonizer

    harmonizer The Son of the Moon

    wrong no. bro :p:
    u should have told this to monica :):):)
     
  10. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    Oh come on! Now that you have learnt, you can enjoy life.
     
  11. Morbid_Angel

    Morbid_Angel Sid the sloth

    OMG i completely missed that there 2 women on this forum now! mistook monica for nandy..can't blame me knowing IGT's been a male stampede for so long

    @monica
    thank you very very much.

    @alpha
    how can you tell i've learnt?
    besides, what about the 36591 other life lessons queued up to our death? maybe learning is meant to be fun after all :)
     
  12. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    I quite liked it. A little dramatic for my tastes but I think that's an age thing? I loved writing like this not very long ago. The imagery is very nice!


    and <3 for the acknowledgement. When do I get a recording?
     
  13. Morbid_Angel

    Morbid_Angel Sid the sloth

    there seems to be a misquote in your signature ! maybe after that's fixed...?

    btw do you think we have enough members active here to have song recording competitions like we used to have? and would you participate yourself if we did? i (and i'm sure others too) need some incentive here to work harder X_X
     
  14. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    haha, I just read that yesterday. I kid you not! I wouldn't participate in a competition but I will post recordings anyway.
     
  15. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    Its good for a song. Poetry...mebbe wud need a bit refinement...mebbe connections/coherence between adjacent lines..
     

Share This Page