The Wandering Peace

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by G. Srinivas, Mar 5, 2006.

  1. G. Srinivas

    G. Srinivas New Member

    I feel fortunate if I know the precious view's of you all friends. I know that I lack the poetic expressions. Your opinions surely will help me in rectifying my errors. Hope u read it.

    When I was on my way towards the goal of peace
    I came accross the battle-field where the human flesh cut into pieces
    The wind brought an awful smell of death
    The stream of the blood made my foot wet
    I thought some conqueror might have repaed the field
    At once I heard a cry in the midst of dreadful field
    calling me oh Master! the commander, save us!
    distured my soul with the whole scene of half-dead mass
    I got divertd in the dark of the whole night
    and no wonder how i led to the grudge-fight

    Soon I found myself held the sword and the shield
    in the midst of revengeful-field
    Don't know from where the power came in my arms
    thousands were slaughtered in a second
    I raised the sword to chop the last remainder one
    but stopped, as he surrendered himself down
    My companions raised the cry of victory
    as the meaning to my bewildered looks
    Amonst this noice I heard the hoarse voice
    It's no one, but the opponent's commander
    Caling me oh monk! lead us to the peace

    I found in his eyes the ripples of water
    as the pebble thrown in the placid river
    the disturbed hair with dust and blood at his mouth
    seemed like an abandoned child who sucked the beast's breast
    Dare not anymore gaze into his face
    as it questioned me about my race
    I knelt down uttering a deep cry
    by which the earth trembled and even the sky
    The thunder bolt urged me to stop but i can't

    Master! we won, you were crying asked the companions
    Said I, oh my foolish brothers we lost the human world
    and gained the curse of a grave-yard
    They felt me made, left me alone, except the one the opponent's commander
    who hugged me to give relief from this great pain
    Soon I found the blood oozing from my stomach and my eyes begin to close
    My last sight found him as an ignorant child
    who doesn't know the weapon is not a playing tool

    The wandering soul
    nimisha, madhuresh and CrYpTiC_angel like this.
  2. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    Srinivas, your poem left an impression on my mind which I'm sure is gonna last a while.

    Amazing imagery, I felt like I was THERE, living it.

    Fantastic ending too.. I'm just amazed at your work!
  3. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Halfway through the poem i knew that this was gonna be one of the best poems that i had ever read. Dude, you manage to achieve exactly what i strive after in my poems. Perfect imagery. Wonderful, please keep writing and posting your poems.
  4. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    good one.....splashing emotions and a u-turn in the end....
  5. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    Brilliant imagery!
    Simply Fantabulous dude!!!..
    i'm thinking of words to praise it..but jus cant think of any

    there arent any errors..jus a few typo's here and there..
    Do post some more of your work here
    I would be glad to read it
  6. Varshita

    Varshita New Member

    Good one !!....very well written ... Hope to see more of your stuff soon :)
  7. G. Srinivas

    G. Srinivas New Member

    At first, I thank u all friends for your invaluable appraisals. I am grateful to you all for taking time to read me, Surely, your words added fuel of motivation to me and can make my journey great. I promise to return with some good one. Once again my heart says thanks u all.

    The Wandering Soul
  8. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^You're welcome.
  9. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    no words.....

    Mr Srinivas.............iam absolutely awed.
    this is the best poem i have read on IGT till now.
    I lived every part of your poem and its simply amazing.

    just one question....have u ever experianced war urself..have u been in army?
  10. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    all i can say.. is reps for you..

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