The First Official "Jokes" Thread

hey, wats wrong? none of da apostrophes r gettin recogonized! question marks r gettin displayed instead of da apostrophes. i posted da jokes frm txt files... now i hafta edit dese posts... :annoyed:

 

You may be using some special character of some special font.. nice jokes..

 

Seeing Eye Dog

A blind man is walking down the street with his
seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy
intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume
of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind
man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed
by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked
drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety
of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and
the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket,
which he offers to the dog. A passer-by, having
observed the near fatal incident, can't control his
amazement and says to the blind man, 'Why on
earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie?
He nearly got you killed!'

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies,
'To find out where his head is, so I can kick his butt.'

 

i dint kno an apostrophe in comic sans is a "special character of a special font"!!! look into dis.. i had dis prob da last time i pasted a joke 2... i rmber..

 

I dont know.. Maybe its your computer.. Or You..

 

Did you hear about the snail that got beat up by two turtles?
At the police station they asked him, Did you get a good look at the turtles that did this? He said, No, it all happened so fast.

 

:think: put this on the feedback section

 

hey laaaayydieeeeeeeees

 

Two friends Billooo & Tillooo went to school for appearing in English exam (7th standard) . They had crammed an essay of "MY BEST FRIEND".

But unfortunately , in the question-paper it was written ....... write an essay on "MY FATHER"in just 30-45 words .So billooo was utterly confused & nervous ...what to do !!!

Tillooo gave an idea . . . . just write the essay My best friend & just keep on replacing the word friend with the father.....

So this was how billooo & tillooo wrote the essay "MY FATHER"......

Fathers & fathers are everywhere , but good fathers are very rare . I have so many fathers , but my best father is pyarelal. He is my neighbour. He often comes to my home & my mother likes him very much.
howzzat!!!

 

Amazing...

 

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife to take out a life insurance policy. Now supposing your husband were to die, he said, what would you get?
Oh, a Bulldog, I think, replied the housewife. They are always good company!

 

The Blondes' Pigs

One day two blondes each bought a pig. The problem
they were having was telling the two pigs apart.

So, the first blonde had an idea: She said, 'I'll cut my
pig's tail off, then we will know the difference.' So she
cut her pig's tail off.

That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the
other pig's tail off. The next morning the blonde had
a solution, she said,'I'll just cut my pig's right back
leg off.' So, she did.

That night same thing; the pigs got in a fight and one
pig bit the other pig's right back leg off. The next
morning the blondes were real upset and finally
decided to cut the back left leg from the pig, so
she did.

That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the
other pig's back left leg off.

The next morning when the blondes awoke they
were devastated. Finally, the other blonde spoke up
and said, 'How about you take the white one and
I'll take the black one.'

 

gud 1, 6string.. heard it b4 tho.. chek dis out...

Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide.
One says to the other, "I'm sorry - I was looking for my wife."
"What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate."
"Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"
"She's tall, with long hair, long legs, is wearing a tight mini and a tight top. What's your wife look like?"
"Never mind, let's look for yours!"

 

Success

At age 4, success is............ not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is...........having friends.
At age 20, success is...........having sex.
At age 35, success is...........making money.
At age 70, success is...........having sex.
At age 80, success is...........having friends.
At age 90, success is...........not peeing in your pants.

 

i thin sumbody already posted dat - success thingy.. jay??

 

hehe.. blonde 1 waz gud, jay..

 

gud1 gal...
k vijay forwarded it to me....so prolly he did it to jay too..there r so many jokes here in a weeks time n most of 'em so long....i just readfa 1st few..

 

Sinners . . .

Three guys found themselves in Hell: Bob, Dave, and Seth. A little
confused at their present situation, they were startled to see a door in
the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had
ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the
Brimstone.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Bob, you have sinned! You are condemned
to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Bob was whisked
through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.

This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a
second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of
womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick
black hair, and flies circled her.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Dave, you have sinned! You are
condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Dave,
like Bob, was whisked off.

Seth, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when
the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the
figure of ... Cindy Crawford! Delighted, Seth jumped up, taking in the
sight of this beautiful woman, barely dressed in a skimpy bikini.

Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying: "Cindy, you have sinned..."

 

Amazingo.. gal..

 

walk the dog!