Apka yeh khadim is thread par tahe dil se isteqbal karta hai . yeh is nacheez ka is forum mein pehla kalam hai . aap logo se guzarish hai ke ise zaroor pare. Is chote se shayri par roshni dalne se pehle yeh bata dein key eh us admi ke muhabbat or majboori ka ehsaas dilata hai jisne apne pyaar ki maut kea age ghutne tek die. Gaur se zaroor pariega. “Dhundte rehte hain apne dil ke rehguzar ko darbadar Par kahin se bhi koi aas nahin hai . Is dil mein behad basa hai ishq par fir bhi koi paas nahin hai. Haath utha kar dua karta hun Likh kar apne dilbar ka naam zamin par sajde karta hun Tars gai hain yeh palkein us ek jhalak ke lie Taras gai hain yeh sansein us ke ehsaah ke lie Dewanne hue is qadar teri muhabbat mein Ke dewaange ko hi muhabbat samjh baihte Jab dunia ne rang dikhaya to is duniay ko rangeen samjh bihte Par teri gair mojudgi mein yeh sab rang feeke hain Ansoon par koi iqhteyar nahin ankhein thak gai hain Tere bina mehfil mein bhi tanhai hai Tere bina bhid bhi rusva kar gai hai ab aisa lagta hai ke tere hi karam se hum is duniya hue the hum maqbool ek swaal hai is zehan mein ke kuon kia tumne maut ko kabool nigahein darvaze par hain kabhi to kadam to rakhoge Or isse ummed mein hain ke kabhi to mulke adam se lotoge” Apki rae or mukhalfaton ka is nachhezko besabri se intezaar rahega Comments nd suggestions are waited with open heart shukriya
thanx buddy as i wrote dat was mah first attempt in poetry but can u help me hw to construct sentences nd meri umr 16 saal hai pata nahin ,,,, shayad aap jhooti tarif kar rahe honn par humein bahut khushi hui ke kisi ne to isme galti bata kar hamari madat kari shukriya janab nd waitin for ur rply
"shayad aap jhooti tarif kar rahe honn"... -app se jhooth bole ke kyaa milega . . . bhai main seedha saadha banda hoon ek baar pedk ke jo laga keh diyaa ..ek aur likho with some good words i am waiting..
thnz buddy mah nxt word of thoughts will be soon actualy i hav writeen it but m getin lazy so ill be posting it soon
Nice attempt.. Keep writing.. With time and efforts your stanza construction would also improve as Maduresh said..!! Also you can try to rework once you have written your poem..!! As it is your first attempt is appreciable.. Good work and Keep writing..!!
thanx @ sehar thanx but i saked from madur also hw can i improve mah sentence , may be he forgot to tell plz yaar if u can plz help me i realy wanna improve mah this poem as it contains too many urdu words which put a good impact (*)
:think: :think: :think: for a first attempt.. its good! just try to maintail flow throught ur poem, dont let every sentence look like a seperate one, just maintain a link.. if possible some rhymes will sound good too, but thats not compulsion. hope to see some more stuff from you.. n dont worry if u get less replies.. IGT is bit slow nowadays.. u just keep posting.. good luck!
@tahnx nimisha vaise mein aaj kal mein apna dusra nazrana pesh khidmat kar dunga dun wory nd hope so ke usmein mein bhi aap logo ka pyar isi tarh milega happyreading
