Shadows are playing hide and seek..

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by nimisha, Mar 31, 2006.

  1. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    after so many thoughts running in my mind... i came up with this complex creation..

    shadows are playing hide and seek..

    shadows are playing hide and seek..
    trying not to get caught..
    not to vanish.. or weak..

    some hiding behind the curtain..
    where to run...not certain..
    shaking in the shade..
    hoping.. not to get engulfed by the darkness..
    not to fade..

    but deceited by the light..
    and now betrayed by the darkness too..
    mind to do???

    some dull.. just null..
    like a flicker.. like a blink..
    surrendering to the all they could think..

    some darker.. some darkest..
    in false illusions of being smartest..
    masquerading in the mask..
    pretending to be strongest..

    but with the lurid fear..
    what if my weakness is disclosed???
    what if my meakness is revealed???

    disfiguring shape...distorting soul...with worries along..
    and as the day pass..shadows getting streched..
    shadows growing long..

    threat of darkness... engulfment... loss of identity...
    threat of light... destruction... loss of existence...

    umbrageous thoughts as ever..
    phantom beliefs.. escape.. never..............nil..
    shadows are playing hide and seek..


    shadows symbolises innumerable false projections of one's self while dealing with the world..
    and all desperate attempts to hide it from the light of truth..
    at the same time drowning in the guilt of this false images, worried to get engulfed by the darkness of falsehood forever..
    unable to decide..their own identity..
    whether to hide in the darkness..
    or whether to seek light of truth..
    both of which will lead to nothing but... loss of identity.. destruction of image..

    thus a concept.. shadows are playing hide and seek...

    comments plz
    and some reps if possible..:cool:
    astroguru26, vini, uj_6string and 3 others like this.
  2. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member

    brilliant and expressive up to the core............

  3. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Mm, as a whole i saw through the childish sense of writing and managed to grasp the deeper meaning of the poem. But seriously now, when you're writing with this level of maturity, you either have to keep it one end or the other, lines like "not to vanish..or weak" " wat to do?" kind of bring down the poem a little bit. Overall i say, my stars you've improved a lot since the last i critiqued a poem of yours. Very good effort, keep writing gurly.
  4. #iR@


    luved the imagery!
  5. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    phantasic bombastic...and this one

    but deceited by the light..
    and now betrayed by the darkness too..
    mind to do???

    Tke a break take a chit chat....mera yahoo id le
  6. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    all i can say is.. thanks boss...:nw: :nw:

    u see...i appreciate ur criticism..
    but the difference between ur n my style is..
    u take every word, if its not enough heavy....u find more equivalent heavy word for that.. and write poetry..
    i take a word.. if its too heavy...i change it wit equivalent simple word..
    n try to keep my poem as simple as possible..
    may be in that process..i lose the essence bit..
  7. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    so good to see your comments on my poem first...thanks..

    thanks...the imagination is getting bit shadowed by the shadows uncomprehensible writting such poetries..

    apna id to bhejo..
  8. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    I swear to god my last poem was simple now, c'mon :p: And darling, "umbrageous", "lurid", "masquerading" are just as "heavy" as any words that i might potentially use, so your case of simplifying words is lost. I'm not against using simple expressions to create imagery. However, there is a thorough difference between "simple" and "juvenile" Especially the "wat to do?" phrase got me, that's what i'd expect out a 2nd grader not a poet at your level. And the rest of the poem you do well, all you have to realize is, the beauty of an entire poem can be lost on the reader if one single line is bad. That's all, i sincerely liked it.
  9. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    ^^^ u noted my each n heavy word...
    those were just used to avoid monotony of same expression n giving a bit good level to poetry...

    u said right... i will try to keep my 2nd standard childishness to minimum next time..
    or may improve it to 5th standard

    admitting my limits not so good at english...
    and its great scope to improve..if i have critics like you..
  10. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    Nimi....(only to u)
    acchi suraat ko savarne ki jururat kyaa hai..
    sadagi bhi to kayaamat ki ada hoti hai....

    vaise i want to improve my chineys ....mujhe kuch nahi aata aur duniaa chunn cha karti hai...HAHAHA
  11. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Meh, i'm not against you using such words, they add beauty to your poem. And well, it's very mature of you to admit your limitations, looking forward to more from you.
  12. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    i liked the theme..
    the "state of mind" of the "Shadow" needed the "...." probably
    but that was kinda breaking the link for me.
    its a good effort..
    you can do better than this
  13. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    @bubbly... cant figure out..ur "....":eek::
    but..thanks gurl... ur opinion is highly considered..

    @madhuresh...its truth actually...
    psst... i was bit angry on u for creating that thread in chit-chat..:annoyed:

    i cant believe this... day by getting along with u well..
    n im actually liking u more n more....though u r from strange species called mod..
    anyways..cutting the spam..and saying it again.. thanks..
  14. Hardik

    Hardik .:.:.:BoRn TaLenT:.:.:.

    well heres what i feel.....this poem is B-E-A-UTIFUL.....i think i have already given reps ...and you deserve them...:)
    i always related the false pretentions and fakeness to masks...ppl wear different masks at different places....but your relating them to shadows was gr8 imagination...:nw:
  15. tanuja

    tanuja Banned

    nicely expressed..

  16. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    i always expected some reply from you..
    ...ur honest opinion will be great..
    i kindaa got this feeling...m i forcing u to reply.. anyways...
    thanks for replying..:nw: :nw:

    thanks girl..
  17. UjSen

    UjSen *#!EVIL*!!

    Really nice poem
  18. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Though Sarat was right in saying that words like "not to vanish..or weak" " wat to do?" really downsize ur poem but lemme tell u these wirds really connect well with those readers who are not much into poetry.

    u did a gud job and imagery was quite gud too.
  19. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

  20. Hardik

    Hardik .:.:.:BoRn TaLenT:.:.:.

    you got the wrong feeling...:)
    you made me realise how lazy i had become...and that was 4 my own good..thanks:)

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