Raise your voice

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by rickkkyrich, Dec 21, 2010.

  1. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    Hello all
    These are the lastest lines i wrote.. Kindly take your time to read it and gimme comments to improve it further as i am gonna use these lines for my next song..

    Raise your voice
    There was a time, when life was beautiful
    There was no crime, Brotherhood was bountiful
    The world was fewer on begrudging creatures
    Benevolence was the only feature.

    Now hypocrisy has taken its toll
    There's no meaning left for body and soul
    How long we'll wonder if we have any choice
    Its time to raise your voice.

    Punish the sinner, batter the traitor
    It's been forever since we've been meek spectators
    Now is the time to take things in our control
    Depose the tainted out of their role.

    No more deceiving the innocent mob
    It's been for ages their houses got robbed
    Do you still wonder if you have any choice
    Go rise and raise your voice.
  2. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    did anyone read it?
  3. i did.. nice read !!
  4. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    thanks for reading .. any suggestions?
  5. Jassie

    Jassie New Member

    Very good...!!! Politically motivated eh!!?? hehe just kiddin'... It's very right for the present day scenario.... Keep it up..
  6. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    Thanks for reading.. yes this is definitely inspired by the recent corruption acts.
  7. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    "Raise your hands" seems to be much better suited for the thick-skinned-deeply-entrenched/engrossed-in-our-own-emotions humans we all are.
    Voices are not heard by anyone.
    But bruises cannon be ignored.

    Throughout the history of mankind only this way has been proved effective in resolving issues.

    And sorry to bust your bubble, but humans were always extremely corrupt. That's why certain wise ppl, very long time back, took initiative to cook religion and moral/social rules and regulations - so that the extreme corruption does not lead to self destruction and extinction of humans.

    Today, because of the Information technology revolution you cannot withhold the information, and you come to know about the deeds.
    Doesn't mean it never happened in past.
  8. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    ^ agreed.. but the good out numbered the bad ... and now that ratio seems to be coming down.. I donno why anyone wud need one lac crore rupees to lead a happy life.. I think the defination of satisfaction has changed bigtime.. anyways.. i wrote wat came to my mind.. it may or maynot make sense to others but it does to me...
  9. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    Nice read...meaningful...
    I liked it!
    Wonder if the 3rd last line is gramatically incorrect...
    Keep writing dude!
  10. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    kindly point out errors ,if any.. i'm not so good in English Grammer anyways..
  11. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    There is nothing good or bad. There is only one number game - smarter ppl are outnumbered by dumb ppl. Stronger ppl are outnumbered by weaker ppl.

    That was true earlier also, when idiots used to believe in caste system and the divine right to rule bestowed to kings and royal families.
    And it is true even now.

    Why is trying to have 1 crore rupees such a bad thing?
    Why is materialism considered so bad?
    Why is being clever or cunning considered evil but being dumb is considered cute and angelic?
  12. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    That's the problem with us...We talk way too much and do nothing... That's wat we are doin now..
  13. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    Thats what we have done for ages.
    And thats why I say its better to raise hands than voice.
  14. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    you try raising ur hands at a corrupt person and see wat happens next... Its very possible that even ur DNA will be eliminated from the planet... thats how things are and have been...
    I am clueless of wat can be done and how... i wish i had the answer or anybody else for that matter... maybe i'll also die thinking and doing nothin...
  15. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    You raise your voice and blow out your vocal chords - because its falling on deaf ears.

    Besides - who are you expecting to listen to your plea?
    The already corrupt machinery?

    What an irony.

    Rebellion/revolution is the only known way to have worked in past, and continuous to do so - when you want a change from vicious circle of corrupt machinery protecting the corrupt practices and practitioners.

    Unfortunately, Indians never had that in their blood. There is always someone who buckles out, there is always someone who is not into it.
  16. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    To prove it wrong that Indians and India have always been the same.. read the article attached..

    Attached Files:

  17. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    hey its a nice one ..! deeply expressed...in d last line....dun u think...rise nd "raise" ur voice..it sounds a lil grammaticaly incrct??? it does to me..
  18. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    ^ hey nandy thnx for ur comments.. Rise and Raise can be used in a sentence and its very much grammatically correct.. :) (according to me :p:)
  19. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

  20. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    That article has nothing to do with the corruption thing that we are talking about in this thread ...
    As I have already written: EARLIER, each and every bit of information was tightly controlled.
    The whole aristocracy and the monarchy is built on corruptness of humans.
    OR do you believe in the "divine right to rule"?
    What you read right now is a carefully selected and doctored versions of what the king though is suitable to be written in history about him.

    When Brits were here - the Indians were already fighting among themselves. Brothers plotting against fathers and uncles - that lead to downfall of Indian kingdoms. What moral fiber is he talking about?
    What McCaulay wrote was perhaps right about the villagers, and it continues to be so even now.
    You don't have thieves in villages. You do have beggars - but they are more subtle so that you would never know that these ppl are beggars.

    McCaulay got it all wrong. Begging / theft / robbery / slums are all the perils of economic development which leads to disparity and hence these conditions.
    (Which Brits were experiencing because of their Industrial revolution, and Indians were not because India was agricultural society with NO industrialization)

    In any way I think the Brits, though introduced "their" style of education in India, for whatever reason - its because of that education and legacy (remember they colonized the whole world) that India has some presence on the globe.

    Or else we would be a total "introverted" country who does not and actually cannot interact or play in the global arena of economics and commerce.
    BTW where in the English education do they talk about Indians being inferior?

    Want to live a villager's life here?

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