Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by #iR@, Aug 1, 2007.

  1. #iR@


    ok heres something i rote as LYRICS for a compostion... something i have NEVER done... and YEA poem in urdu/hindi is HARD to read once riten in english but i hope u guys wud read it! :) here goes...

    --> RAASTAY

    woh saari yaadein
    woh saari baatein
    ab yaad aati hein
    aur mein soochti hoon...
    k yea beetay lamhay lotatay kyoun nahi?

    in raastoo ko dekh ker mein
    sochti thi
    ab kya ho ga... in raastoo per
    jin per hum chalay thay
    ab yea mor kahan lay jaayein
    yea hai kismat kay haath mein
    yea hai zindagi

    thx for reading... i agree NOT ma style of ritting though... hehe
  2. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    Sounds like loads of other song lyrics! :(

    You have a gift, and you can write poems that are simple yet different and brilliant. This doesn't cut it for me, though!
  3. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    nice :)...I liked it...you said a lot in those few lines I guess...not your style??I don't know..I mean you did write school days..well this is kinda related..anyways,I liked it...short n deep..nice...but definitely not one of your best..
    uhm..I was wondering though..what if you inverted this??I mean 2nd stanza first and then the first stanza....don't know....felt better...

  4. #iR@


    @ cryptic... hmmm... valid point and i appreciate it! :) BUT i was talking about ma past (skool days/friends) in the poem IF dat change ur view a bit! hehe thx! hehe

    @ im_not_neo... je sir! :p just felt like saying it cause of ur FAST reply/reflex to the poem! :p well the poems/lyrix arnt even complete... yup i was reffering to the skool days again.... i told u it wasnt at ALL ma type... ajeeb weird si hai... i mean firstly urdu mein... i dont rite in urdu! :eek:: BUT thx for ur comments! hehe always lookin fwd to them... and i inverted it but i think this way is better BUT u can always read the last thing first... i find it ok both ways i.e inverted and the way it is but dats cause i have ritten it and i KNOW wat i am reffering too... sooooo i guess u get ma point! :p
  5. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    lol...hahaha..yeah catlike reflexes..lol
    Yeah thats how it felt..but then the few lines do say a lot...okkk..hard for me to tell but then again you know how you feel..
    uhm plz don't get me wrong but the second stanza goes kinda away from the main theme..well it still works on the past but in a different kinda sense..if you do invert it then it makes more sense..and emphasizes on raastey
    Plus you have a nice end then..
    "yeh hai zindagi"
    Instinctively,as a reader, I imagine the line "yaha katte hue rastey phir milte nahi"..so that it makes sense that you can't go back and you don't know what lies ahead..
    But again its your flow of thoughts,so you'd know better...
    Anyways..I sooo don't want you to invert it..its really nice the way it is .....and yeah,keep writing :)
  6. #iR@


    ^hmmmm... ok u talked me into the inverting thingy.... DONE BOSS! :)
  7. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    ^^omg you didn't!!!!!!!I was just saying!!really!!!!I mean I like it..but its your poem!!!!
  8. Amanush...

    Amanush... Tanha Rahi...!

    Short and sweet...!

    Very nice, I like it...!


  9. #iR@


    ^wow... u seem all shocked! :shock: but i read it and i prefer it the inverted way! :eek:: well its done now! :p nearly forgot about this poem waisay! hehe

    @ amanush... thank u like always! :)
  10. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    Yeah I was,kinda shocked..I mean I know it was me who convinced you but still it was just a thought.And then you disappeared for quite a while so it was hard to tell if you were ok with the change....
  11. #iR@


    ^*actually smiling* ummm... i honestly inverted the thing CAUSE i thought it was better dat way... no biggie... hehe... khair... yup been TRYING to keep maself busy for the past few days havent logged so dat xplains ma absence... and now we r WAYYYYYYYYYYY OFF TOPIC! :p:

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