Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by abhishek999, Jun 7, 2008.

  1. abhishek999

    abhishek999 New Member

    Iam stuck in a labyrinth
    cant find out what to do
    I keep on getting hints
    can i believe these to be true?
    what will be in the end
    will i succeed?
    march ahead is the new trend
    but, my feet
    is too tired
    to face new challenges
    but everytime inspired
    to take revenges
    from the life that gave only sorrow and pain
    i just have to accept the expectations
    of the people around in this game
    where there is no relation
    its just like hell
    with everyone puffed up with rage
    and ready to sell
    their humanity for their advantage
    well i keep getting myself motivated
    i cant get down
    again i get started
    and the time counts down
    i meet people trying to hinder
    my aim and trying to make me unhinged
    by their weird character
    i feel everything is pinched
    from my life
    i do only strive
    to get myself victory
    just a shame on me
    that i cant get rid of this mystery
    and all the blame on me
    thinking all the time negative
    thrash all sorrow, march ahead
    you need not be so possesive
    whatever you want alone you can get.

    --------this is my 2nd poem i dont feel like its that good to be posted but....
  2. Morbid_Angel

    Morbid_Angel Sid the sloth

    the poem's good overall but i seriously cannot tolerate grammatical mistakes in poems, unless they're intentional.
  3. abhishek999

    abhishek999 New Member

    thank u morbid angel

    thanx i know there r gramatical mistakes i neglected these just to rhyme.
    again thanx after such a long time i got 1 reply.:dance: :grin:
  4. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    2nd one huh?I'd rather not discourage you then..but yeah,work on grammar,let the rhyming come on it's own and dun break lines unnecessarily..I'm assuming you wrote each line as it came to your head and hit enter after every new idea,which is cool..but make sure you edit it later so that it makes sense easily.
  5. abhishek999

    abhishek999 New Member

    iam not neo

    thanx very very thanx.i'll post my other poems also.iwud try write some funny one

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