Near Death Experience.....

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by angel_of_sin, Jul 14, 2008.

  1. angel_of_sin

    angel_of_sin bassist.....

    Ohk Guys dis is my first poem:-

    She woke up in the hospital bed
    It felt as if for days she had slept

    The pain in head was too much to bear
    Yet, it was his words she could hear

    The doctors bought her to life, it was true
    But his smile was what helped her pull through

    Before the doctors had removed the shard of glass from her brain
    She had seen nothing but white space, an expanse of serenity, calm as the sea after storm

    (the world turned green with pastures and waterfalls)

    She heard his voice, she looked behind.
    She saw an angel, who was blind
    She recognized the face in one but a merry gaze.

    She ran to him, hugged him and kissed him.
    For it was for years she had not met him, and she had missed him.

    They were happy, they sang
    they made love and talked about romance.

    When the time came for her to go,
    she asked him one question
    why are you blind in this world, so rich in green, so peaceful and so beautiful

    My dear. he began, their is nothing in your world that isnt here.
    Your love is the only thing thats lacking

    Your Love kept me blind in your world
    And your love keeps me blind in this world.

    There's nothing that can stop me from loving you and nothing can.

    It is said that the doctors brought her to life, maybe it was true.
    But it was his smile that helped her pull through.

    Please comment guys this is my first poem. :cheers:

    Ankit Kaushik.
  2. angel_of_sin

    angel_of_sin bassist.....

    gawd 45 views and no reply???
    dis place is certainly no heaven for budding poets...........
  3. in_the_alley

    in_the_alley New Member

    hi angel of sin, this is pretty good for a first timer. You do have a sense of words and word play. Your poem has rhyme, punch, and it is moving. The only thing is that it has a lot of prose in it.
  4. angel_of_sin

    angel_of_sin bassist.....

    thanx bro..........
  5. avi.singh

    avi.singh 6 strings lover

    so powerfull...
    the hospital's smell is coming.....sss22s
    can't bear...

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