Ohk Guys dis is my first poem:- She woke up in the hospital bed It felt as if for days she had slept The pain in head was too much to bear Yet, it was his words she could hear The doctors bought her to life, it was true But his smile was what helped her pull through Before the doctors had removed the shard of glass from her brain She had seen nothing but white space, an expanse of serenity, calm as the sea after storm (the world turned green with pastures and waterfalls) She heard his voice, she looked behind. She saw an angel, who was blind She recognized the face in one but a merry gaze. She ran to him, hugged him and kissed him. For it was for years she had not met him, and she had missed him. They were happy, they sang they made love and talked about romance. When the time came for her to go, she asked him one question why are you blind in this world, so rich in green, so peaceful and so beautiful My dear. he began, their is nothing in your world that isnt here. Your love is the only thing thats lacking Your Love kept me blind in your world And your love keeps me blind in this world. There's nothing that can stop me from loving you and nothing can. It is said that the doctors brought her to life, maybe it was true. But it was his smile that helped her pull through. Please comment guys this is my first poem. :cheers: Ankit Kaushik.
hi angel of sin, this is pretty good for a first timer. You do have a sense of words and word play. Your poem has rhyme, punch, and it is moving. The only thing is that it has a lot of prose in it.
