Nature at Play

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by Varshita, Mar 14, 2006.

  1. Varshita

    Varshita New Member

    Hello people !!
    Been away for a while... but I m glad i m back. Fresh and rejuvenated... and tanned.. not to forget....But the "keeda" of poetry didnt leave me there too :)
    So here is something to bug you guys :)
    Enclosed is also a pic of that place.

    Ran from the world incessantly
    Far from the maddening crowd
    Needed to break free from the monotony of life
    Away from the echoes of its agony and bliss
    Life was just getting uneasy and here I went
    On a lookout for explication of an unknown ecstasy

    Reached where land sacrificed its existence
    Witnessed the union of Oceanus and Zeus
    In the lap of Mother Nature my expedition just began
    As the master geared forth with his very own plans
    Exhausted as my body was, thrilled was my mind
    A whole New World welcoming, with quarter left behind

    Minutes went by and so did hours
    Sky lit up with zillion twinkling stars
    For once the idea of being alone didn’t leave me scared
    Just living that moment was all that I cared

    Found darkness all around But no fear within
    Music of the waves started setting in
    Wet sand beneath my bare foot
    Cool breeze of the night ruffling my hair
    Thoughts went blank, finally found peace somewhere

    Each tide different from the last
    Made me realize there shall be no new past
    Writing on the sand just took seconds to wash away
    Endorsing the saying “this too shall not stay”

    The vast ocean before me only reckoned my faith
    I m just a tiny creature on the earth’s face
    There is more to this world than just my problems
    My issues, my sorrows and my joy
    Got the opportunity to feel the nature’s convoy
    There is more to this world than just you and me
    A lot to be learnt when nature whispers
    “Hear me”

    Attached Files:

    • pic1.jpg
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    anshphenomenon likes this.
  2. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    I'm disappointed sis....i found the language rather plain and you went off into your "rhyming" mode here and there. I'm speaking about the poem as a whole, OF course it has it's good moments, the 2nd and 5th stanzas are promising, but that's about sorry for being so blunt, BUT WHY DONT YOU WRITE FREE VERSE!
  3. Varshita

    Varshita New Member

    Just knew that you will be the first to reply...:eek::
    And i m glad u are straight forward... I m more than happy to learn what u liked and didnt like abt it.
    Maybe i can just use the excuse that the poetess in me was on a vacation :p:
    Thanks for your views kiddo. Will surely take note of them and try not to repeat the same mistakes. :)

    psst: hows the pic? :eek::
  4. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    good ........... koi bhi aisi place pe ja ke aisa hi likhta.... nice poem and refreshing pic.....
  5. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    Technically, not well written. Either you should've gone free verse or followed a certain rhyme scheme. Also, seems like you didn't give much thought to the structure of the poem.

    But keeping technicalities aside, I somehow like it :)

    And nice pic too :)
  6. vini

    vini Repeat Offender

    man..i disagree! i really really liked ur poem...u tried to unconceal the hidden nothings very gracefully..somethings which we all overlook. i cant really get words to explain how mch i liked ur work..according to me this has to be one of ur best poems..out of all which i've read :p:

    where did u go,btw? that pic is simply soooperb..look at the have to tell me which place is dis? kerela, goa? hmm..makes my day and my wallpaper too!! :grin:

    Reps surely..if i can
  7. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**


    I totally agree with vini.
    The best, after the one I read from Mr.Srinivas.
    One has to be a professional writer to really care about the techniques of poetry.

    You were more than successful in getting your message across.

  8. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Always sis, people who really care about you will always be straightforward about your people, people who dont care will always go, "YOU ROCK" or "FANTASTIC" or some jackshit like that......dont worry, you're still one of my favorite poetesses :grin:
  9. Varshita

    Varshita New Member

    @maduresh... thank you so much ! I guess it was all thanks to the scenic beauty of that place.

    @ trish... I agree it is no where in league with my other poems based on free verse. But somehow this is all that came to my mind at that time. And i had a discussion with sarat earlier... that one should write what comes to one's mind. No forceful thinking or compulsions. So even if my mind decided to write a technically wrong poem... then be it :) Thanks for your views. I m glad u finally replied to my poem after a long time !!

    @ vini... Hey thanks vini. I m glad somebody tried to see what i actually wanted to convey through this poem. I went to mahabalipuram, pondichery and banglore. This pic is of Mahabalipuram. I stayed right there on the beach in a cottage and this is the view from my cottage. The other pics are amazing too. But this is the one i took when i was writing the poem. Really Loved the feel and the view !! :)

    @ pamposh..thanks for reading and for your valuable comments. I m glad you liked it :)

    @ sarat... Hey i know you are my best critic. You are supposed to speak the truth ... thats what you were hired for... remember !! :) Just cos you like me... doesnt necesarily mean that you have to like each and every work of mine. So chill... and hey Happy Holi !!
    :beer:.... some bhaang for u :)
  10. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    something lacks in terms of poetry....
    but this could be a beautiful essay..

    nice to see.. poetry kida in ur head is not died yet.... keep it nourished with ur thoughts..
  11. sachoo

    sachoo drenched in my pain again

    "YOU ROCK" >> jackshit :mad: ..... can u identify evry other's shit or only jack's
  12. slash_i_m

    slash_i_m Laid to Rest

    Thatz good.Evry poem of urs is differnt and has a distinct theme,:)anyways where was the pic taken
  13. Varshita

    Varshita New Member

    @ nimi... Thanks nimi. :) I m only hoping this keeda dies soon enough... I have enough on my plate to look forward to.. and this is just eating on to my already scarce time.

    @ sachoo.. what the hell was that :eek::

    @somesh....thanks for reading. The pic was taken on the beach in Mahabalipuram. BTW finally i visited banglore...Corner house was yummm !! Been to a few other joints.. will give u the details later :)
    How r ur exams going??
  14. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Well, right now i can identify that you're talking crap.
  15. sachoo

    sachoo drenched in my pain again

    pls go thru ur post n u will come to know who's talking crap.

    u know the meaning of "ROCK" in the world of guitar n u gave it a synonym of "jackshit" :(. tht hurts n ur saying me crap :shock: .
  16. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    ^^^^^Woaah Woah Woah here we go again.
  17. Varshita

    Varshita New Member

    @sarat... just ignore him

    @ sachoo.... u get hurt when people call ur post crap on internet?? By those standards i should be dead by now :p:
  18. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    ye lajavaab javaab hai..reps to sachoo
    hey fabolous mere ko ek shayar yaad aaya his name was Chidkaan(meaning shit) ...belive me he wrote only on shit and deeds related....

    Chidkaan chane ke kheet main,
    chidke alag alag,
    rangaat alag alag aur kushboo alag alag

    chidke is noun form of chidkaan that also means shit....:rule:
    sach boolta hoon he was called MAHA KAVI abhi maar gaya shyaad 1983 main mara...all his life he wrote abt shit............SOOOOOOOO SHITTY
  19. sachoo

    sachoo drenched in my pain again

    i didn't commented on ur earlier one "wat the hell.." coz i dont want to explain. so let's say it, u say "Rocking" (as encouragement, motivation etc)to some one's work so wud it become "jack....watever". does it make sense.

    n i never said i was hurt when ppl say my post as crap. Hurt was for the bad meaning to word "rock"..u know :rock: .. on the rocks :beer: .. i guess this clears, if not i m still ready to :rock: ... ;)
  20. sachoo

    sachoo drenched in my pain again

    Thnx mannu..

    abey lekin yeh kaun sa maha kavi hain.... "chidkaan chane ke khet mein" .... hehehehe

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