My Strength

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by horsesmouth, Feb 12, 2009.

  1. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    this was my first poem eva I'd penned, 'bout 6 yrs ago.....
    a sonnet I'd like 2 dedicate 2 my gf

    When th' winds blow, High and Low,
    Unloyalty fills th' air,
    You come to help, the bright night glow,
    Your spirit strenthens me to dare,
    To fight uncertainities,
    Life's extreme extremities,
    Which by your love, get so small;
    And the sky, so bright, gives a morning call.

    Do you know who you are?
    A twinkling star in a night's scare,
    A ray of hope in ope's despair.
    My fuss for grubble,
    Solution to my trouble,
    My strength to struggle.



    well i'd written these ages ago, so they sound a bit childish, n i know i messed up in last lines
    still u're free to post your improvements!
     
  2. idefixé03

    idefixé03 New Member

    Hmm..first get rid of the puntuation marks and 'th from ur writing. Hey I've just tried to redo ur poem..trying hard to keep intact What u want to say to ur girl.

    When the winds blow
    Unloyalty fills the air,
    You make the night glow,
    Your spirit lets me dare,
    To fight uncertainities and despair
    All my quandaries and my lows
    your love, it makes them small.
    The sky, it seems so bright
    with your morning call.
    My girl you are like a million stars
    Surround my heart to soothe my scars
    Dont know when an hour become a minute
    Minutes become seconds
    Time just flies, when you are in it.
     
  3. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    dats better....but almost completely different from mine.....wel u own tht poem now:p
     
  4. waht ever i read.. i felt it was good...be more creative the next time !!
     
  5. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    I like the 'th ish thing. Very sailorish.


    I actually thought this was quite nice.
     
  6. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    yea cuz m a sailor maself;)
    \m/
    n yea, i shall b more creative:) next tYm
     
  7. sorry i just didnt read the whole thing ...if it ws written long ago ...then i take back my words...
    i like ur work and love kiddish poems... please keep posting ..kidding !!
     
  8. ya and idfixe man ..
     
  9. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    yup, wel m just 4 poems old n in th' field of poetry!
    n dis poetry is 7 yrs old
     
  10. ^thanks 4 da stats..got ur point....and the poeter for best debue of 2009 goes to horsemouth (this is not a good name to live with anyways)
     
  11. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    not a good name......
    damn!
    :( too l8 to consider/...
    where's my trophy bdw?
     
  12. no trophy only tophy
     
  13. avi.singh

    avi.singh 6 strings lover

    wahh kya joke mara hai....!! :D
     
  14. mara to sahi ..laga kyaa ?
     
  15. avi.singh

    avi.singh 6 strings lover

    horsie se poochna padega
     
  16. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    that doesnt qualify for a joke by IGT standards.........
     

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