Let it burn

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by himroxx, Mar 20, 2012.

  1. himroxx

    himroxx New Member

    heyy..evy1 this is my first poem...am very new to this site too..
    **comments and suggestions are welcome..**

    I'm so broken inside,
    I've started to give up my fight,
    Nothing seems so right,
    The light of hope is fading tonight...
    This might be the End or maybe a new start,
    It has started to dim ,am going into the dark....
    Shadows don't let me think good,
    maybe it even aint that way..
    cuz my thoughts are imperfect just like me..
    The path am walking on is so full of pain,
    I was looking for rainbow but it hadn't even rained..
    Its the end of the road there's no turning back,
    All i can do is jump but its the courage i lack,
    Even the air that blows it feels so life less and cold....
    but i wont cry it out tonight and give up my turn,
    I'm gonna gather the pain in my heart and just let it burn...
  2. guitarplayer729

    guitarplayer729 New Member

    nice lines
    i am not a poet
    i dont know whether i am right
    but u should keep the length of the lines with the rhyming words to be equal
  3. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    Sounds depressing but good attempt.... keep posting.
  4. himroxx

    himroxx New Member

    as i said in the begng this was my first one so...nyways thnx fr the suggestion :)
  5. himroxx

    himroxx New Member

    :) Kzz ... i ll try to write a haapy1 too;) thnx
  6. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    ...and its a bit unusual...considering the rhyming scheme.....but okay if you say its just a collection of thoughts...

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