IIT = Indian Institute of Technology? NO!

Source : https://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Indian_Institute_of_Technology


The Indian Institutes of Technology is another name for IIT, which is the acronym for Institute of Infinite Tension, Institute of Indian Technology, etc. They institutes of so-called national importance set up by the Indian Parliament at seven campuses across India, decided purely on merits of political alliances of the ruling party. It was the mastermind of a certain Jawaharlal Nehru to reduce the average intelligence of Indians that led to the establishments of these institutes. Just like Zion in Matrix, where 3% of the people who do not accept the Matrix are gathered together to prevent dissent as a whole, IITs were formed by the Government of India to gather at one place the 2% of the intellegensia of the country and dumb them down. There is a similar prophecy that The One would appear one day to lead these students to their destiny.

 

Admission

The geeks and nerds of India start preparing for IIT-JEE just after 10th standard of schooling. A very effective test of whether a guy is fit for getting into the IITs is asking a very simple question: "Do you have a girlfriend"? A guy who says anything else other than "What's a girl?" would not get through the test. Girls are considered unfit to get into IITs, though some girls manage to get the application forms as they look like guys. To make sure no girl gets through the system by bribing to get the application forms, the applicants are required to specify their gender and affix a photograph in the application form. Those faces that resemble anything girly are not selected.

The entrance exam, IIT-JEE, is an extremely selective undergrad admission process (accepting less than 2% of their applicants). As they say, if the input is right, the output is automatically right. The six-hour Joint Entrance Exam held, as the name suggests, jointly by IITs, consists only of questions on Physics, Chemistry and Maths and not on other exotic details like Booze, Drugs, Crime, Pr0n etc. which severely affect the quality of the incoming students. Since the Indians are well known for cramming up loads of information, questions in JEE are never repeated and are almost unanswerable.

 

Education

The IIT curricula is carefully decided so that there is no scope of learning anything. The students, then, take up alternate learning routes, most common being software testing. The IIT alumni on knowing the tremendous potential of internet, provided all hostel rooms with free and unlimited internet connection. The IIT administration tried to propound their agenda by putting lecture videos on the LAN, but this is yet to be confirmed as this has not been tried by any student. The IITians are also forced to eat mess food, that prepares them for the worst they can ever face in their life.The IITians are also masters of fraud....all their assignments and lab reports are lifted of from the LAN.They might know nothing but give them a work and they will complete it.

The guys also learn how to make 50 palladins in 25 minutes and get three frags per shot. Some of the creative minds also make a quick buck by selling MMS clips online. Since there are assignments to be submitted every now and then, the guys also learn how to use Google adeptly. Photocopying centres are provided for every 100 metres of road so that time wasted in photocopying assignments is minimized. Lecture classes are held from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. IST (Indian Stretchable Time). It has been established by years of testing that the time can be stretched to as much as 30 minutes beyond provided it is backed by a cardinal excuse. The summary and results of many such experiments has been documented well in a book by an IITian titled "Five Point Someone: What not to do at an IIT". The book also deals with complex issue of dealing with a girl in IIT. yes it is right!!

 

Life and culture

When entering the IIT, a guy has two options. The first is to take up the common learning route described above. Since IIT-JEE makes sure a lot of mavericks are selected, many of them also end up being happy among themselves. The girls in IITs, usually refered to as Non-Males, measured as parts of girl per million parts of guy, have to struggle keeping their identity as girl secret throughout their stay in IITs. Sometimes they are forced to tell the truth, like when a gay IITian proposes mistaking them for a guy.

 

Alumni

The alumni of these institutes have been very sucessful across the world (more in USA than in India). Most of them either get frustrated and leave technical education to study management at IIMs, or start a company of their own totally unrelated to their major discipline. There are also a select few who develop a fetish for studies and end up in institutes like Massachusetts Institute Of Technology, but when asked about their education, smugly reply, "IIT? What are those? Never heard about them in my life !!". An interesting aspect is that, alumni of these institutes form the second-largest graduate student group at MIT, the largest being MIT undergrads and one day hope to colonise the whole of MIT campus.

 

hahaha.....good one...man I have seen some these species in real life....I don't regret now that I didn't study for JEE.....

 

:shock: :shock: :nw: :nw:

 

Achcha hai screening ke baad padhai nahi kari. Warna lag jaati.

 

IITians are good-for-nothing l33t15t bastards..:annoyed::annoyed:

 

IAS/IIMs rock!!!:rock:

 

mmmmkay..is all that voodoo doll stuff for me to die a painful death?

 

cul article alpha...major of iit'ite go to U.S. n settle ther whts d use 2 Indias development...????

 

^ And thats what they SHOULD do.
India is crap with no real opportunities.

If you are against IITians goign abroad, the best solution would be to abolish IITs.

Whats the point creating world-class graduates when the nation doesn't have any "world-class" requirements?

 

yea ure ryte -_-

 

they dun have the appropriate technology to clean a cow dung in their campus ..what more need i say?

 

I Don't Blame Them For Going Abroad.if Oppurtunity Is There Most Of Us Will Go.but What This Iit'ians Are Supposed To Do Is Develop new Technology,and Help Indian Industries And Governments To Increase Their Efficiency.but As You Know Indians Only Practice Reverse Engineering(including Me).
And About Going Abroad- I Think These Iit'ians And Iim's Should Work Atleast 5 Years In India(in Indian Companies?) Before Leaving.i Know This Is Not Going To Be Ok With Many People.but Anyway.

 

i am not in india so i dont catch any of this sarcasm/farts ... all i know is that i was at imperial college few months ago for my interview, those people mentioned world's best universities in their presentation, and IIT was number 3 .. even better than imperial coll. .. i actually shifted my fat ass when i read the rankings ..
and i qoute ..

"only MIT, Cambridge, IIT and Oxford beat us .. which ofcourse we know are really good, so this just goes on to show the merit of our institution .. " ..

there you have it .. be thankful!!

 

yes shak i don't say they are not talented people. but i feel they should contribute a little to the country with there vast knowledge ,instead of just rushing to foreign country as soon as they finish there course.

 

So that they again regress to Indian (sub)standards?

This still doesnt answer my ques: Why have IITs?