I remember you...

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by maxeffect, Oct 11, 2007.

  1. maxeffect

    maxeffect New Member

    It mite seem that its just another love poem.... but dont wanna call it so, this is a poem of rememberance, someone special who made a difference.... That person cud b any1.

    I remember you...

    The smile on your face
    and the twinkling eyes.
    The dangling lace
    of your pretty dress.
    And all your cuteness too.
    Hey! I remember you.

    The never ending fun,
    Life was on the run.
    The mistake we committed,
    which anybody will like to sue.
    See, I remember you.

    Our everyday fight,
    on who is right.
    And back to love
    at the end of day's light.
    As you were someone
    I liked to woo.
    Oh! I remember you.

    Strengthening each other
    and asking not to bother.
    The belief of continuing the fight
    even in the darkest night.
    Helping on what we need to do.
    Aha! I remember you.

    The way you detached,
    putting me in a hatch.
    Betrayed, not just for a while
    by the same cute smile.
    Hate to remember the day
    when you made the move.
    But, I still remember you.

    We met, either by chance or fate.
    And are today in which ever state.
    But one thing will always be true,
    that I will always remember you...

    who else

    thanx for reading, and comments of course, where are they! :)
  2. Angira

    Angira New Member

    I just hav One right now coming to my mind to appreciate ur words...............WOW!!!!!!
  3. maxeffect

    maxeffect New Member

    Hey thankx for dat appreciation.........
    one word is always gr8er thn sentences
  4. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    The theme,of course,is pretty common..funnny how most of the poets go through the same damn thing..anyway,yeah well it's written nicely..felt the break-up was abrupt but that's fine..written well but the exclaimations,I found a bit wrong esp. after reading the whole thing.
    I wouldn't really say "Aha!I remember you!" to a girl who dumped me(unless I have amnesia),of course I remember her..but you got that right towards the end..the whole "but still"..and "always" was better that "hey!"..
    Bottom line though,the poem's good..feels heartfelt..keep writing.
  5. #iR@


    ^ ur reply just made me laugh the AHA I REMEMBER u part! ANYWAY... now...

    i think the poem was PRETTY good... honestly... perfectly original n yea VERY appropriate use of words i MUST say man... good job... but somehow one thing i didnt like which i'm_not_neo mention... the I REMEMBER u part... see ummm the way i took it was... "HA I REMEMBER U" as in sarcasm type cheez... while it cud be in a nice positive way to... i dont know if i am making sense to u so just forget it... the bottom line is... u rite well man... n i honestly enjoyed reading it! :) keep riting...
  6. maxeffect

    maxeffect New Member

    First of all, thanx for writing in..
    And for those exclamations, they were selected on wat dat particular para is saying. (dat y u found it inappropriate only aftr readin d 'whole poem')
    For the author it doesnt matter wat dat grl later did (dumped dat is)...but he just wanna rmmbr those beautiful moments.
    and dats why 'aha!', & in d end wen d breakup come up wit no 'apparent reasn' (isnt it always dat way?) so 'still' & 'always' ws used.
    As i said its a poem of remmbrance... and d author is rmmbring all d gud moments but finally d parting seeps in.
  7. maxeffect

    maxeffect New Member

    Thanx,..... u thot it 'ha' rather den 'aha!' which u supposed i used as a sarcasm, dat wat u saying rite?
    well no theres no sarcasm...... but pure remmbrance...the author has no ill-will against dat spl some1.
    m thankful for those comments

    i feel d poem remains incomplete without urs and not_neo's comments..
  8. ReBoRn

    ReBoRn New Member

    pretty decent ..sounds like one of genesis songs ..

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