For all who tried....cheers! Poems, words, that came from my heart, there were many, but none were read. For ones with whom I part For ones who died in my heart, Poems, words, there were so many, but none that were read. Words cushioned by tears, paragraphs that tormented me, lines that shook, shuddered with all fears grief for an audience to see. For poems, words, they came from my heart, was bout the path that I had tread, but none, none that were read. Time has passed, I hath put in paper once more, All that my heart spake, Ti's the very innermost core For poems, words, they do come from my heart, Have been so many, dream that this will be read. Ti's written in all thats left and yes in crimson Every syllable hath cried out, by gushing tears freed from its prison. Listen... for love it weeps it doth shout, This is for you my love, A poem from the heart, There were so many but this I hope you will read. I shan't talk about beauty, it is that which withers with age, I shan't talk about scenery, Ti's that which seasons change, My Love only Love, all I can say to you, If there is no one, I will be there, If doubt envelopes you, I will be true, If you are neglected, I will care, If you cry, I will cry with you, I don't want anything, its just the love I have for You. My Love I have written once more, words, that came from my heart, My feelings on paper I have freed, Poems were many, But this one just for your eyes to read Do let me know suggestions would be really helpful.
its good ..... quite clear... But this one just for your eyes to read "Do let me know suggestions would be really helpful." is this line even a part of poem ....quite suits the flow...
I like it Vish, it's nice and different! @nimisha "its too long"??? That was a really stoopid thng to say. Who said poems oughta be short? And trust me lady, beautiful poems have been written that are longer than the longest book you've probably ever read.
i felt the written material to be too long since there was hardly any separation into stanzas suppose i talk to you in long monotnous drone withouth any puncutation but in any case you have
That's what came to my mind too but didn't metion it as I haven't read it. @alpha1.. it seemed long, but I don't think there's such a thing as "too long". Well yeah, it might be too long for someone who's feeling lazy to read it, but a poem can't be judged on the basis of it's length in this way IMO.
Dear lady, if you keep on making random statements such as this, sooner or later you're bound to get pwned..oh wait, cryptu already did! heheeh @the guy who started this thread, nice first effort dude, i liked the flow of words and the ideas more or less gelled together, good work, looking forward to more from you.
Yeah, nice poem. And yes, long poems kick ass. Just like long songs do. Both of them kick ass if you get them right, and vish just did.
thanks guys! Thank you all for the suggestions and support. Its very nice to see that people who read my poem had a lot of ideas to share. I really appreciate all the encouragement. Thanks Nimisha for your critical analysis, the truth is I really don't keep an eye out for the number of words I use or the length of the entire thing, however, its a good idea to do that, lets see, no promises but the next one I'll try. Lastly, to the forum leaders thanks for the opportunity.....till then lets rhyme on....let freedom of expression rule the world! For hell hath no fury like mighty pens lashing out whips of poetic justice.
@crypty, disturbed... its an individual opinion... and its freedom of speech.. my dear friend vish... im impressed wit your...humbleness n modesty to take my criticism in a very polite manner... n to respect my opinion..its hard to do so!!
hey nimisha chill its all good! If there was no difference in opinion and questioning then we would all have been satisfied idiots still dressed in animal skin and by now nicely preserved in amber hehe!
