Girl- ready for marriage

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by monica_decosta, Feb 27, 2009.

  1. **************************************************
    they came they saw,
    her looks her draw
    made sure she was perfected

    then money and rights
    faults and brights
    ultimatly they said "rejected"

    she models every time
    for the knot, for the rhymes
    lets say "he" was more ambitious

    every time this happens
    she prepares, and when
    they go back, brings down her aspirations

    ***********************************************
     
  2. detritus

    detritus New Member

    This is probably one of your weaker works i think.. and not to be harsh but, the last line really kills it.
    Is it something personally inspired or were you trying to write on a topic you picked?
     
  3. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    the whole thing was altogether good
    wel socially motivated poems r like that, detritus......good enough for that genre!


    however I still believe it had an abrupt ending, had 2 b better!
    keep posting
     
  4. detritus

    detritus New Member

    I dont understand.. because its from an ignored genre, its allowed to not be good? I dont have anything against the meaning of the poem, i was only referring to the way it was written.
     
  5. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    ^ I agree......



    that I'm right
    :p
     
  6. ...inner shame of being inferior as a human...among humans..!


    Thats bitter'

    thanks 4 reading
     
  7. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    ^uhhh....


    what?
     
  8. augur

    augur I love bjr

    I went to Bangladesh last year, when a passport wasn't required for a holiday, and it lifted my self esteem.

    You should try it.
     
  9. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    isnt it phenomenal?that u got no better place?
     
  10. augur

    augur I love bjr

    I went looking for Sanjida. Plus no passport required you see.

    Damn Nepal and their tight policies.
     
  11. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    u communist?
     
  12. augur

    augur I love bjr

    Fascist.

    ....
     
  13. detritus

    detritus New Member

    Sparta!

    ...
     
  14. augur

    augur I love bjr

  15. detritus

    detritus New Member

    but madness? D:
     
  16. augur

    augur I love bjr

  17. haha ..lol

    spam...Sparta....wow
     
  18. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    --------------meet the spartans-------------
     
  19. Rahataustin

    Rahataustin New Member

    its great that u try to figur out the real situation happens with the girls in our society.Yar yeh to women rights ka masla hy.Gents Hoshiar ho jain
    Aoratein Jag rahi hein.
     
  20. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    ^
    you sure you wanna b a gal?
    good
     

Share This Page