ajj phir teri yaadon ne dar-e-dil pe dastak diya mohabbat ka fasaana bil-aakhir nakaam mustaqbil pe attak gaya wohi barbaadiyon ki saughaat phir zindagi mein aabaad huwi dil ek baar phir aasuon ki mehfil mein bhattak gaya jahaan se chale thay pehle kabhi phir dil ussi mordh pe lekar aa gaya pehle bhi kabhi aabaad hoke barbaad huwe thay hum aaj phir naseeb ussi manzil pe attak gaya Shayad muqaddar ne yahi saza mukarrar ki humaare liye Ke hum bimaar-e-hijraan ban ke saans lete rahein Aabadiyan barbaadiyan, milna aur bichhadna Inhi gardishon mein kahin naseeb-e-dil bhattak gaya dar-e-dil=heart's door bil-aakhir=finally mustaqbil=future mukarrar=fix bimaar-e-hijraan=person suffering from separation gardishon=cycles
You've changed the gender here. It should be Dar-e-dil pe dastak di Either follow the whole rhythm or don't follow it. You've tried to follow it at places (attak, bhattak) and some places completely broke the rhythm (Saans lete rahein). Plus the usage of 'attak' and 'bhattak' is repetitive which I kinda didn't like. And Naseeb-e-dil ? Naseeb related to Dil is inappropriate for my liking. Anyway keep writing. I think you can do better than this.
