Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by i'm_not_neo, Mar 31, 2008.

  1. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    Impulsive writing :)
    I just let the words come out on their own,so yeah I have no idea how it actually is.
    Feel free to criticize it..really..just be honest.

    It's been a while
    since I've been traveling
    on this slow paced escalator
    My destination: fixed...
    And running only gets me there faster..
    Choices were never hard to make
    when you knew what you had to do..
    choosing what's right is never easy
    but promises to get you through..
    But I find myself at crossroads
    and for once in my life,the hiker in me baffled
    for the 2 streets never seem to meet..
    And suddenly the escalator breaks down
    Choices were never hard to make
    Doing what's right gets you through they say
    but the other street though dark
    seems tempting to me..
    Standing at crossroads..
    Signboards tell me where I should be..
    My heart telling me where I want to..
    Making this choice is never easy..
    And just like me,I'm sure you'll get there someday,
    on your slow paced escalator..
    wishing you'd been climbing a ladder..
  2. #iR@


    ^ hmmm ok firstly i am seriously jealous of u now as a poet! i mean how u can rite soo much as a poet n i am STILL stuck on... "I HAVE/WANT TO RITE SOMETHING" since ALMOST CENTURIES NOW! now secondly and MORE importantly... see the part of the poem qouted above is really REALLY GOOD! basically its the thought behind the poem... the idea... the feeling dat u have tried to express... and i must say u DID doo a PRETTY good job man... but see the next portion rather the ending... "i" feel k u lost the ummm wat shud i say umm the i dont know the strenght and the feeling dat u had in ur words and lines... but dats JUST my comment... i mean i felt k u were just trying to give the poem a COMPLETE ending which i think u havent exactly been through... dats onnly wat i feel yet again! hehe... OTHERWISE... honestly speaking the above qouted portion really REALLY had me glued to it! a job well done once again man!

  3. sumantp

    sumantp New Member

    Wow.....good man!!
  4. amitrichardxess

    amitrichardxess New Member

    man u r toooooooo good
    its very well written
    :rock: :rock: :rock:
  5. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    Hehe..frequency really doesn't write good stuff every time you write (hehe..I'm skilled at hiding jealousy :p:)
    I don't really know..I mean for me the whole thing just came out like that..I didn't plan to end it in any just ended..but I couldn't really leave a clear ending since you rightly said "which i think u havent exactly been through.." yea..personally I liked the end..since it isn't really ending the poem or telling what choice you have to make..(self-praise ahead) I loved the "ladder" thing..I was actually glad my mind could still come up with that sorta stuff :)
    As usual,a whole hearted THANK YOU!!! :) Always nice to hear your comments.
  6. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    @sumantp and amitrichardxess : Thanks a lot! :)
  7. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    good words ...and they still go on !
  8. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    ok, we've corresponded enough for me to realise your technique as a i wont venture on that aspect now.

    Poem is well written when it comes to ideas and bringing forth the visual. However, the last line about the ladder..

    "And just like me,I'm sure you'll get there someday,
    on your slow paced escalator..
    wishing you'd been climbing a ladder.."

    felt like a bus hit me. it came out of nowhere..
    Your introduction of new ideas..needs to come to an equal stop. Where in the world did the ladder come in all of this?

    But other than, i like this. Very significant and deep. Brings us to reflect and think of where we've come with our lives. :)

    good show.
  9. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    Ahhhh...ladder....hmmmm...let me try to explain (shortly this time :p:)..See,I didn't want to tell which path I chose.And everyone does get to the point where one has to choose either one of the two..and there's no looking back after that.By escalators,I meant a unidirectional motion..while with ladders,you can always go back...metaphors for we all wish we could go back..I hope that clears it out?
    (p.s : the 'technique' part sounds scary...feels like you've figured out completely!)
  10. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    hmm, i get what you are saying, in terms of the ladder and the escalator.. figuratively speaking. However, in the sense you describe the ladder, its almost as if you are considering only one direction. You arent really opening that concept of "being able to go back" (and remember you can never go back in life. thats the shitty part about it. So what are you referring to?)

    You talk of escalators throughout.. and then suddenly youve got a new idea, about ladders! Bam! Didnt know there was a choice between riding life on escalators or ladders. Do you see what i mean?

    The choice comes way too far in the poem. That introduction is abrupt and way too quick. And by the time, one can consider the option...the poem is over. its like "woah, wait wait tell me more about this ladder."

    hope i made sense. :)
  11. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    And correct me if im wrong, but life can not be compared to an escalator at all.
    I mean you have ups and down all time. Life is never a bottom up situation.
    Sometimes you end up in a top down situation too.

    And how can one deem something as being right or wrong. Naturally, making choices is hard.. but who determines what is right or wrong. You learn from those mistakes. What specific choices you talking about?

    And another thing.. theres a contradiction...i dont know if someone pointed it out, or if you have done it on purpose.. but technically crossroads cant run parallel :)
    You say crossroads and then you say that they never meet. Thats impossible.
  12. amitrichardxess

    amitrichardxess New Member

    wat r u talking petunia, u r sounding so stupid:p: . THis is very well written everything is so crystal clear, don't try to look for any mistakes coz u won't find any.
    let me explain u these lines, but first let me make u clear that, here life is not compared to an escalator, he is telling that his life is heading toward his fixed goal/destination at a slow/normal pace like an escalator. In the last three lines he's telling just like him everybody u & me will also reached to our destinations with a normal pace of life, but at the last line wat i understand is that narrator is very good hearted person he wishes good for other ,so he's telling, he wishes dat u get a ladder so dat quickly u can reached to ur goal/destination/ambition. Y ladder bcoz c watever is ur ambition/goal is projected sumthing at the top, nobody want his ambitions to be projected at bottom everyone want to reach to the top. And the easiest way is to go straight up and here comes the ladder.

    Everybody has some sense of wat is right or wrong. Doing right or wrong is not a problem but u hesitate to do it, wen u think of its after effects and then u look for other possible choices. Nobody determines right or wrong its predefined. Yaaa crossroads cant run parallel, but the narrator here is standing at the crossroad and thinking which path to choose he know that he had to move to the right path coz he is very clear abt his destination, but the other path i.e dark/wrong path is tempting him, he's vry sure that right path will make sure dat he will reach to his destination but not sure abt the wrong path, he's sees toward the sign board and he also know wat to do.........

    sorry i'm_not_neo is ur poem ur thoughts but its very beautifully written, i mixed some of mine, i hope u won't mind me replying like dis something that is quoted for u.

    dude ur poem is superb :rock: :rock: :rock:
  13. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    not looking for mistakes my pet, im merely trying to analyze it .. and criticize it.. its a bond upon which he(who is not neo) and i have grown close from!

    I get that. its just that life is not something which has a straight forward direction. Sure the end result which we want to achieve is UP. However, some of us dont make it there. Some of make the wrong decisions and end up lower than where we started.

    has your life been at a normal pace? In that case, im jealous of everyone.. because mine hasnt. Mine has been a struggle. And life is never fair. It is the definition of struggle.

    A ladder gets you places faster than an escalator? wow.

    :shock: sheesh, in that case, i should take the steps more often than the escalators.

    :shock: say whaa??
    naw, im kidding. i know what you mean..its just that i dont completely agree...
  14. amitrichardxess

    amitrichardxess New Member

    i see things in a simplest way possible. So no further argument :beer:
  15. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    The upward motion of an escalator was referring to time..not the ups and downs of life.Wishing for a ladder merely meant the option of going down mid-way(going back in time)...and since that's not possible,I didn't open up to that concept much.It's what everyone wishes.

    That wasn't the choice. :( (and the 'bam!' part was intentional)

    Again,that wasn't the choice.The 'choice' was between what you think is morally(perhaps induced by society) right and what you actually want..
    I mean you have ups and down all time. Life is never a bottom up situation.
    Sometimes you end up in a top down situation too.[/QUOTE=Petunia]
    See,I was referring to time.It's like you can do anything while you're on an escalator..jump,cry,fall,etc but you'll get to your destination only when you're supposed to.So yeah,your ups and downs are merely the part of your journey (To death ultimately..where the escalator leads at it's own pace)

  16. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    @amitrichardxess : Wow!I!Thanks a lot buddy...I appreciate it.I liked your interpretation btw.Nice!!
  17. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    Well, in that case.. i rest my case.
    And like always look forward to reading (or in my case, running down into the ground) your poems!!


    keep it up, kid!
  18. akashiyer

    akashiyer New Member

    i was thinking of adding a bit more to this and using it for a song. can i ? please?
  19. crazyexpress

    crazyexpress New Member

    The ideas are coming all jumbled up before this and this conclusion hits spot on! Wonderful, man.. Nicely written!
  20. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    Woah...I wrote this 5 years ago? :O
    Logged in after a long time and thought I'd check the poetry section. Was more than glad to see my name pop up in the first 2 pages :)

    @akash: Very nice of you to ask...sure, go ahead. If it becomes a huge hit or something though, do mention me :p :)

    @crazyexpress : thank you

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