depressing autumn..

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by nandy0894, Mar 15, 2012.

  1. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    ah! there should be many mistakes in it..can be improved a lot..acc. to me..but sadly i couldn't do that myself...haha..suggestions are very welcome..



    there was i .. a leaf..a newborn leaf
    born with faith, life of purpose and belief
    The cool wind did always sway
    pass over every branch..everywhere where i did lay
    I was gentle and sweetly delicate
    overwhelmed with enthusiasm over my shining fate
    i had a hundred brothers over there
    hanging on the same old tree that everyday we share
    showering sweet swaying love over one another
    it was a huge huge family
    with the old tree as our dear mother
    we played and we swayed and laid together
    and when some bird visited us we caressed its feathers
    living every moment
    none of us did ever lament
    i felt important..and i felt loved..i felt cared for
    the bonding assured me everyday that i had nothing to be afraid of..
    through the summers...the burning sun we did shine
    in winters we shivered..but would grin when the cuckoo visited us at the vespers nine
    and then came the autumn our mother was sad and none of us grew up enough to know why!
    and she never told us that what she hid beneath her eyelashes and why did she lie and acted so shy
    soon i woke up to a shock, to ab appalling reality from my sweet dream
    and to my horror...my mother sobbed and then she silently screamed
    i noticed it all and before i realized i had a great fall..
    i was down on the ground , i knew i was to die as i was the first one to be there
    in my heart..to be with my mother i continuously made my silent prayers
    my brothers then forgot about me..
    my mother soon got busy in a spree
    completely ignoring my agony
    and there was i with a silent promise in my heart
    a promise to be with my family and to never be apart
    i lay there..dead, tortured, separated. dejected, cut off and forgotten
    but with hope i close my eyes but it soon dies down..with me..it now lays rotten..
     
  2. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    I don't think there is any mistake and i really loved the lines a lot. Touching lines indeed.
     
  3. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    ^ +1
    That's really good stuff...loved each line...
    can't rep though..
     
  4. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    thank you thank you..! :)
     
  5. i wud say continue the story ... make it a happy one ..some hw..
     
  6. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    but its about the leaf and it died? sooo ..how would i continue it..i mean i can.. but for the other leaves maybe..umm..ill surely try :)
     
  7. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    Maybe you can write how after dying the leaf went to heaven, where she met the fellow leaves having an orgy... which made her think that dying is the best thing that had ever happened to her... and you have a happy ending to your story... :p:
     
  8. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member


    hahaha
    your imagination does WANDER..haha
     

Share This Page