clouds of salvation

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by varmas11, Jan 7, 2005.

  1. varmas11

    varmas11 New Member

    clouds of salvation...

    cloudy wisps of aspiration
    culminate into true expression
    stromed through to desire's termination
    only to unleash the path to salvation

    -saurabh varma

    Copyright ©2004 Saurabh Kumar Varma
  2. tejas

    tejas ..........

    Nice, but way too short. You might want to expand on that.
  3. varmas11

    varmas11 New Member

    yeh it is short, but it's not meant to be a song or long poem or anything. it's just really short, deep, and abstract. i think adding more to it would interfere with the essence of it. i dunno... when i wrote it... each line just had volumes of meaning in it... it's like a mantra of life for me... it's kinda like the core of perennial philosophy in a nutshell maybe? do you feel like it's unclear or not powerful enough? cause if that's the case, i'll definitely look into tryin to make it better. i'd just like it to be like a quote of mine if i ever write a book or make a cd or somethin... i dunno man.. but thanks a lot for the feedback. this is great
  4. tejas

    tejas ..........

    No.The lines u've already written are really great. Unclear? I dun think so. They are abstract, and quite frankly if it was too direct, i wouldnt like it. If its a sort of a quote as u say, it works very well. But i dont see it as a song, thats all. And by the way, i like ur philosophy.

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