can't think of a title.. :\

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by nandy0894, Mar 17, 2012.

  1. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    vo anjane mein ik din hmari aankho ko samundr sa keh gye
    hum keh to sake na uss din kuch unhe bss thoda sa chuppe se shrmake reh gye..
    aaj unki tareef ka jawab bheja hai unhe, gaur shayad na frmayenge vo lekin..hum to apni baat keh gye
    bheja hai khatt mein jawab aisa unhe ..padte he muskuraenge to vo zaroor
    badi taqleef se bheja hai humne..to zara fursat se padhiyega hazoor..

    kaha humne unse..

    " samundar kahein na meri aankho ko..log aksar samundro se vapas nahi aate
    mohbbt ka gunah zara smbhlke keejega, rasta asan nahi hai utna ..jitni asan hai khali baatein..
    kashtian boht paar lgai hongi aapne..kaam karein honge bahaduri k boht..
    prr ishq k meethe gamm k samne aapki shiddat ka naqab girr sa jaega..jhelni pdengi jbb aapko akeli aur tanha raatein.."

    jaisa socha tha..jawab mein ik muskan to sath aayi hai..
    chhoo gya dil ko jawab unka itna.. k ye aankh bhr c aai hai..

    "aisa ho jo samundr to vapis kahan koi aana chahega
    mohbbt gunah he sahi..prr ye raas humein boht aaega..
    bahaduri ka ishq se vaise talluq to koi hai nahi
    baat akeli raato ki hai to ..kahenge bss itna he k faasla bhi qaid hai ek haseeen.. humnein paas zaroor laega.."
     
  2. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    ahh...sweet lines...it sounds little bit like meena kumari's gazals
    you're getting better with each title.
     
  3. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    aw..thank you .. and please noo ..meena kumari .. i've developed a certain level of irritation to that name...coz .. one of my friends has nothing better to do than comparing my eyes or other facial features to her..

    anyways .. thank you :)
     
  4. aryasridhar

    aryasridhar New Member

    Nandy Madame.....If i may, I would like to compose some parts of what you have written and share it here will you guys.......Please Approve / Deny......:)
     
  5. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    haha...sure monsieur ..i'd be very glad..! :)
    eager to hear..! :)

    * but won't you say anything about what i wrote? :(
     
  6. aryasridhar

    aryasridhar New Member

    Well, I asked if i can compose it, as the write-up is great......Good Job I must say.....
     
  7. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member


    ^_^ thank you !
     
  8. aryasridhar

    aryasridhar New Member

  9. aryasridhar

    aryasridhar New Member

  10. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member


    awww...!
    i love it!!! :)
    i am still like.. "itni jldi khatam hogya... :( "
    and plus no need to apologize .. it was my poetry..now wud b ur song..u are free to do whatever you want to do with it..
    eagerly w8ing for the full song.. hope to see it soon.. :)
     
  11. aryasridhar

    aryasridhar New Member

    Thanks a Ton, Glad you liked it :) and Thank you for letting me play around with the poetry....will finish the entire song....but need time to do it properly.....will post it here once i do :)
     
  12. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

  13. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member


    nooooooooobody comments on the poem..!!!

    :cry1:

    p.s. i miss monica..!

    :cry1:
     
  14. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    Kya lines likhi hai.. wah wah.. Kya baat hai... Mazza aa gaya padke... Dil ko choo gai bygawd !!! :]
     
  15. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    rofl!

    :) thank you ^_^
     
  16. aryasridhar

    aryasridhar New Member

    Hahahahaha.......Dil Garden Garden Hogaya........padh kar .....................
     
  17. hey i think ur attempting urdu language ... for the first timer good attemept ..u were clear in ur idea nice flow of lines and good usage of words even ... it would be great if you could may be create a more interesting plot .. all in all nice lines
     
  18. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member


    yes i indeed am..though i haven't studied it at all.. but i love it..and would love to write and speak fluent urdu.. let these damned board exams get over..i am gonna do a lot of stuff..lalala ^_^ :)
    and thanx a lot..! intresting plot..? umm .. umm .. thinking on it..
     
  19. aryasridhar

    aryasridhar New Member

    Ok, So what i did in the last hour was re-wrote the poetry so it could be sung in the rhythm in which I did the song sample earlier.......

    Now, there are parts which i feel would be good if recited than sung....let me know what you guys think about it.....

    Woh anjane mein
    hamariiiiiiiiii aankhon ko
    samundarrrrr sa keh gaye

    hum kuch
    keh na sakeyyyyyy

    hum kuch
    keh na sakeeeeeyyy
    bas chupke se sharmaa gayeee eeeeeee

    Aaaj jawaab mein unki tareef bheji hai
    Gour naa farmaaye..... woh lekin
    apni baat rakh di hai.......

    Muskurayenge woh zaroor
    khat mein aisa jawaab bheja hai

    (Reciting Starts from here)

    Jawaab hai......

    Samandar kahein na meri aakhon ko
    Log samandar ki gehraai mein kho jaate hain

    Mohabbat ki gunaah maaf nahi hoti
    Zara sambhal ke rukh kijiye ga mohabbat ki oor

    Could think of writing it till here for now, couldnt think of how to write it in a way that it can be sung further down from here, helpppppppppp :)
     
  20. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    firstly..some errors..'jawab mein unki tarif nahi bheji hai... unki tareef ka jawab bheja hai ...second..mohabbat KA gunah maaf nahi hota and so on.."

    and.. um recital.. i dun think would bring out the same impact in a song..like in a poem
    plus if u want to keep a recital in it.. ? why change the lyrics .. imean of the recital part..coz i think the original would make for a gud recital
    what say?
     

Share This Page