Bag of bones.

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by walk_alone, May 26, 2006.

  1. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    This one is for my ailing Grandmother, suffering from throat cancer.
    I have not given it lot of consideration, but just felt like sharing it here.
    Bag Of Bones.

    When I close my eyes,

    I remember those days
    wen she walked me
    made me smile
    gave into my every demand

    I can still see her smiling
    stretching her lips as far as they go
    a gleam in her eyes
    dying with passing time

    I can still hear her
    calling my name
    and then coughing helplessly
    till tears in her eye run down her cheek

    I can still see her limping
    walking down the road
    searching for that last hope
    to live another day

    I can still feel her heart
    trying hard
    to beat
    and beat the angel of death

    now, there she lies
    all helpless and tired
    like a "bag of bones"
    waiting for inevitable

    I can see my father
    failing miserably
    to hold back his grief
    and anguish

    I caught him last night
    crying silently
    in the darkest corner of his room
    and then he smiled at me, rather sheepishly

    I hugged him
    held him tight
    never wanting to let him go

    your comments and suggestions are valuable.
  2. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    It was hard for me to take this seriously after I read this part. I giggled too much to be able to.
  3. #iR@


    hope she gets well soon...
  4. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Seems there are way too many things for you that you cant take seriously.....keep giggling mate life would teach you all in its own time.

  5. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    I hope so too....but...

    anyway nythng abt the poem i know its not the best of composition.

  6. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    Well actually (I guess) he meant you needed to be more sombre while writing on these topics, have to be absolute picky.
  7. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    I will take it as constructive crticism......thxs.

  8. amit82cse

    amit82cse Silent observeR

    very touchy....
  9. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    dude, you don't call your grandma a bag of bones. You just don't. I understand what you're trying to potray by saying that she's not what you remember her to be....perhaps saying something like her being a shell of her former existence is what you meant.

    My apologies for sounding rude.
    shsnawada likes this.
  10. amit82cse

    amit82cse Silent observeR

    i dont think he is calling her "bag of bones" in lieu its a metaphor...
  11. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    huhhhh.........I cant believe that I have to explain it to you now.

    My grandma has throat cancer and cant eat anythng and is surviving on liquid diet.she has gone so weak in last 2 months that she luks like a "bag of bones".
    She can barely walk,talk and breath 'coz her ulcer has blocked her nasal cavity.
    So when I say "bag of bones" I mean "BAG OF BONES".

    No further discussion on this atleast with you.
    Thxs for reading though.

  12. shsnawada

    shsnawada Cyborgs & Pasta

    Firstly, i looked at the title and started giggling. and i giggled more when i read these lines. But, i didnt read what it was about until later. I'm sorry about what happened but i seriously think that this poem doesnt convey much of the grief/pain. (presuming thats what you wanted it to do)
  13. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    I can imagine you're upset and thus I do not want to continue this. I'll put my point across one more time and stop no matter what your reply be.

    My grandmother is 80 years old. She looks like an old hag but nothing in this world could justify my calling her an old hag. "Bag of bones" is a term that is derogatory and it is unforgivable (in my opinion) to use it for someone who cannot help the way they've become. You don't call a person wearing an eye-patch "old one-eye".
  14. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Its just how u luk at it mate....u can only be disrespectful when you really want to be.
    and where the hell is mentioned that "bag of bones" is derogatory remark, until u really wanna make it one.

  15. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    Well, it's just a common derogatory term in the english language.
  16. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    I know "bag of bones" sounds funny but believe me it only sounds funny.
    In real physical state its horrifying.

    And yes abt poem I agree that it doesnt totally convey what I really wanted maybe somehow I cdnt gather right words and phrases...nevertheless I dnt write poems just for sake of it.
    It was just to release myself of some depression.

  17. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    This is common derogatory term only for those who get some fun out of mocking at others....but for me its a terrible physical state of.
    Now do you see how perceptions differ.

  18. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    I'm trying hard to keep your thread clean of personal arguments. Help me out here.
  19. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Nothing aimed at you dude...neither I intend to.

  20. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    wow waht a flow ....very swift took seconds to complete..this is real definatly...pata nahi par i hv seeen many times waht thoughts u keep on for long flow out very well...i suppose jyada time bhi nahi laga ho ga likhne main ..
    beautiful poem man

Share This Page