Anomalies of the English Language - Humor

Discussion in 'The ChitChat Lounge' started by rizaaj, May 19, 2005.

  1. rizaaj

    rizaaj Forum Leader

    The English Language

    Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

    Let's face it
    English is a stupid language.
    There is no egg in the eggplant
    No ham in the hamburger
    And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
    English muffins were not invented in England
    French fries were not invented in France.

    We sometimes take English for granted
    But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
    Quicksand takes you down slowly
    Boxing rings are square
    And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
    If the plural of tooth is teeth
    Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
    If the teacher taught,
    Why didn't the preacher praught.

    If a vegetarian eats vegetables
    What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
    Why do people recite at a play
    Yet play at a recital?
    Park on driveways and
    Drive on parkways

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
    Of a language where a house can burn up as
    It burns down
    And in which you fill in a form
    By filling it out
    And a bell is only heard once it goes!

    English was invented by people, not computers
    And it reflects the creativity of the human race
    (Which of course isn't a race at all)

    That is why
    When the stars are out they are visible
    But when the lights are out they are invisible
    And why it is that when I wind up my watch
    It starts
    But when I wind up this observation,
    It ends.



    Coutesy: http://www.ahajokes.com
     
  2. cYpHeR

    cYpHeR Banned

    lol...nice one rizaaj....me too wondering "If a fly can fly....can a mosquito mosquito??" :think: :think:
     
  3. Taifi

    Taifi New Member

    great obne rizaaj
     
  4. jamhead

    jamhead Unknown Legend

    there are some 7-8 different ways one can pronounce "ough"

    rOUGH
    thorOUGH
    thrOUGH
    trOUGH
    etc


    english spelling/phonetics is as wierd as any language in the world.
    each vowel has different pronounciations in different words - hence put, and but are different; ant and arm are different etc



    finally a joke to illustrate the point -



    man gets a cheque on his birthday. goes to the bank to encash it


    man - please encash my che-kew
    clerk - its not che-kew, its cheque (as in check)

    man - there must be someting wrong with my ton-gew
    clerk - its not ton-gew, its tongue (tung) "

    man - i know, this english language is very vae-gew
    clerk - its not vae-gew, its vague (vaeg)

    man - alright, alright, lets not arg !!!
     
  5. DrSaurabh

    DrSaurabh Wh@+s Up D0C

    :RollLol:nice one man ^^^
     
  6. ambuj

    ambuj Pro Tabber

    lol... nice one jam
     
  7. shak

    shak Harrr!

    nice one jamhead!!! :) :) but its not only the pronunciation ... its spelling as well ... reminds of a joke..

    wife to husband: i was at the bank today and i had this mental block, i wanted to write a cheque for forty pounds but was confused whether its spelled "fourty" or "forty" ..
    husband: so what did ya do?
    wife: i wrote the cheque for fifty pounds!!
     
  8. jamhead

    jamhead Unknown Legend

    .............
     
  9. wisevijay

    wisevijay newbombayrox

    lol......hahahaha.......gr8 one guyz.........
     
  10. akkyy21

    akkyy21 #%@!$&

    Hehe,... nice one,....
     
  11. ananth222

    ananth222 Beginner

    and have you ever wondered how you could have feet that smell and a nose thats running?
     
  12. cYpHeR

    cYpHeR Banned

    im again wonderin why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?? :think: :think:
     
  13. madhura

    madhura pani poori yum yum ....

    check out htis one......
    well i know its not related to anomalies of english... but yeah may be windows and all...........



    You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello (comedians) If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:

    COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
    COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
    about buying a computer.
    ABBOTT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
    ABBOTT: Your computer?
    COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
    ABBOTT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
    ABBOTT: What about Windows?
    COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
    ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
    COSTELLO: I don't know. What will! I see when I look at the windows?
    ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
    COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
    ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
    COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
    ABBOTT: Office.
    COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
    ABBOTT: I just did.
    COSTELLO: You just did what?
    ABBOTT: Recommend something.
    COSTELLO: You recommended something?
    ABBOTT: Yes.
    COSTELLO: For my office?
    ABBOTT: Yes.
    COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
    ABBOTT: Office.
    COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
    ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
    COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
    ABBOTT: Word.
    COSTELLO: What word?
    ABBOTT: Word in Office.
    COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
    ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
    COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some
    straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
    ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
    COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
    ABBOTT: Real One.
    COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?
    ABBOTT: Of course.
    COSTELLO: Great! With what?
    ABBOTT: Real One.
    COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
    ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
    COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
    ABBOTT: The blue "1".
    COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
    ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
    COSTELLO: What word?
    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
    ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
    COSTELLO: It is?
    ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other words out there.

    COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
    ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of office.
    COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
    ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
    COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
    ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
    COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with computer? How much?
    ABBOTT: One copy.
    COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
    ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
    COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
    ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

    (((and the best line is)):::::::::::::
    (A few days later)

    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
    COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
    ABBOTT: Click on "START"...
     
    Addy Pant likes this.
  14. JAZZ

    JAZZ New Member

    we pronounce

    Do ...."dooooo"
    bnut why not

    Go...."goooo"
     
  15. rizaaj

    rizaaj Forum Leader

    nice one jammy and madhura specially the last line.. hehhehe lmao
     
    shak likes this.
  16. cYpHeR

    cYpHeR Banned

    try fillin this blank with 'yes' or 'no'


    ________, I am not a human.
     
  17. Addy Pant

    Addy Pant Highway Star

  18. somendra_guitar

    somendra_guitar New Member

    cool!!
    mast!!!

    &wat not!!!

    keep up!
     
  19. shak

    shak Harrr!

    @madhura!! ... lol .. haha i dont usaully read long posts but i read yours to the last line ...excellent!! .reps for ya.
     
  20. Addy Pant

    Addy Pant Highway Star

    Yeah, reps from me too!!
     

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