A woman and a girl

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by maverick8218, Nov 27, 2004.

  1. maverick8218

    maverick8218 New Member

    This is one of my poems that got turned into a song...

    A Woman And A Girl

    Is she a woman? Is she a girl?
    As sweet as wine, as pure as a pearl.
    She wants me to grow up, wants me to be her child.
    Wants me to adore her, to love her blind.

    Come my woman, come my girl.
    Let me love you, let me burn.

    I’ll get you the sky, I’ll get you the stars,
    We’ll go to Paris, we’ll go to Mars.
    Let’s keep dancing through the night.
    Let’s be birds takin’ a flight.

    Come my woman, come my girl.
    Let me love you, let me burn.

    I want your body; I want your soul,
    I got enough, I want more.
    Come my woman, come my girl.
    Let me love you, let me burn.
  2. esgallindeion

    esgallindeion Minstrel Knight

    Well, as a song its nice... but to make it more rhythmic u might want to change the third line to fit the rhythm... The 1st, 2nd and 4th lines have 9, 9 and 10 syllables, while the third line has 12... this sort of upsets the rhythm... maybe you might want to rewrite that... apart from that its quite nice.
  3. Sonali

    Sonali ::>> Welcome <<::

    it's very nice.....i'm not so sure marsji will appriciate it tho.....
  4. maverick8218

    maverick8218 New Member

    I had noticed that, essi. the 3rd line didn't seem to fit with the rest of the song... so i knocked of some words and did verbal ties on others to make it fit with the rythm.

    hey, sonali, what's this abt mars not liking it ??
  5. tejas

    tejas ..........

    Nice work! I like the idea. keep it up.

    BTW, Mars is the name of a member here.
  6. maverick8218

    maverick8218 New Member

    yeah i have been around long enough to know that, tejas. I just cudn't get the reason why he wo0n't like this poem.
  7. tejas

    tejas ..........

    Its just that, you said in ur poem, "We’ll go to Paris, we’ll go to Mars". So, she was hinting at that.
  8. maverick8218

    maverick8218 New Member

    oh, man... never realised that...
  9. DesiPride143

    DesiPride143 BEHAVE!

    This Part "Come my woman, come my girl.
    Let me love you, let me burn." kind of ryhmes with the song "Butterfly" by i forgot the name of the band but when i remember i'll let u know...i think the songs goes like this "come my lady, come my lady, u r my butterfly, sexxy lady".... :think: but other than that...nice job :rockon:
  10. maverick8218

    maverick8218 New Member

    yeah similar to butterfly by crazy town... but believe me this is an attempt of plagiarism...
  11. amit82cse

    amit82cse Silent observeR

    good one...
  12. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    ya really nice one...."let me burn"....powerfull thought !

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