This is one of my poems that got turned into a song... A Woman And A Girl Is she a woman? Is she a girl? As sweet as wine, as pure as a pearl. She wants me to grow up, wants me to be her child. Wants me to adore her, to love her blind. Come my woman, come my girl. Let me love you, let me burn. I’ll get you the sky, I’ll get you the stars, We’ll go to Paris, we’ll go to Mars. Let’s keep dancing through the night. Let’s be birds takin’ a flight. Come my woman, come my girl. Let me love you, let me burn. I want your body; I want your soul, I got enough, I want more. Come my woman, come my girl. Let me love you, let me burn.
Well, as a song its nice... but to make it more rhythmic u might want to change the third line to fit the rhythm... The 1st, 2nd and 4th lines have 9, 9 and 10 syllables, while the third line has 12... this sort of upsets the rhythm... maybe you might want to rewrite that... apart from that its quite nice.
I had noticed that, essi. the 3rd line didn't seem to fit with the rest of the song... so i knocked of some words and did verbal ties on others to make it fit with the rythm. hey, sonali, what's this abt mars not liking it ??
yeah i have been around long enough to know that, tejas. I just cudn't get the reason why he wo0n't like this poem.
Its just that, you said in ur poem, "We’ll go to Paris, we’ll go to Mars". So, she was hinting at that.
This Part "Come my woman, come my girl. Let me love you, let me burn." kind of ryhmes with the song "Butterfly" by i forgot the name of the band but when i remember i'll let u know...i think the songs goes like this "come my lady, come my lady, u r my butterfly, sexxy lady".... :think: but other than that...nice job :rockon:
