24 hours to die..

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by siddarth_d, Apr 20, 2007.

  1. siddarth_d

    siddarth_d New Member

    24 hours to live, 24 hours before I die
    24 hours before my thoughts fly
    24 hours to reminisce
    24 hours, my final prize
    24 hours to spend with my dear one
    24 hours to brood about that there is no one
    24 hours to smile, 24 hours to cry
    24 hours to shake a leg, 24 hours to tell a lie
    24 hours before I meet him
    24 hours before I am accounted for every sin
    24 hours is what I have, 24 hours to try
    24 hours to live, 24 hours before I die
  2. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    Good one...I hope it isn't true though..
  3. siddarth_d

    siddarth_d New Member

    Hi I`m not neo
    Thanks ..That`s not true.I`ve more than 24 hrs to live..
  4. nazr

    nazr angel is my genital..

    Phew....You sure are gonna be tired after these 24 hours.
  5. vini

    vini Repeat Offender

    u could have given a miss to the ending "24 hours before I die"...just after reading even the half of ur poem..the theme was clear..it kinda killed the feel of it...hmm and i wonder how u write without going thru it all urself..(eg, battle field) Hmm..anyways..good attempt

    ok..keep posting
  6. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    @siddhart_d: yeah,man you're poems are really good but they get a bit too obvious...even the title itself gives the entire theme of the poem...but I liked this one coz it was small...

    I'd prefer if you just mentioned all the things you wanted to do and then just mention at the very end,that you have 24 hours to do all those things (instead of mentioning 24 hours in each line),that would build up a good mood and leave the readers with quite a shock.
    And preferably the title shouldn't be so revealing...the title could have just been "24 hours" or "All in a day" or something..I hope you get my point.

    And preferrably,don't take any of the above comments too seriously..each of us have our own style,I've just stated what I would've liked...be yourself.
  7. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    kinda liked this one :)
  8. zicky5608

    zicky5608 Power Shortage

    Although theme is very obvious...poem is not bad.


    Nice work dude...
  9. siddarth_d

    siddarth_d New Member

    Thanks guys for the comments!

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