safar.. .... zulmo-sitam itne hue dilon pe, dard bhi abb ke dawa ban gayi. kya kehte tumse haal-e -dil, lamhon ki kasak hi gawaahi de gayi. judaa ho kar bhi kahin to pehlu mein raha, saansein bhi uske naam ki bandagi de gayi. rula ke mujhko toh woh chala gaya, kyun phir bhi uski parchaayi si reh gayi . ulfat ki rushwaayian aur tanha sa safar, intehaa kyun har mod pe uljhan de rahi, phir junoon -ishq mein madhosh hue, haath tham ke zindagi bhi mujhse kuch keh rahi. rohit
.... so nice to read this different piece of work from you... seems.... u been thinking a lot... but stilll i wud suggest some modifications as a friend.. hope you dont mind.. zulmo-sitam itne hue dilon pe, dard bhi taras kha ke dawaa de gayi.. kaise kehte tum se haal e dil, lamhon ki kasak ashq ke naam ke gawaah de gayi.. judaa ho kar bhi sanam tu pehlu me rahaa.. par saanse bhi usske naam ki bandagi de gayi.. rula ke mujhko toh woh chala gaya, par parchayi uski mujhe maut si zindagi de gayi.. ulfat ki rushwaayian aur tanha sa safar, intehaa kyun har mod pe uljhan de gayi.. phir junoon-e-ishq me yu sulajh gaye, jindagi se na ulaz paaye aisi suljhan de gayi..
Good poem Rohit. Keep writing. reps?? Isqk humney kyun nahi kiya ab toh sirf tanhai saath reh gayi.. :rock: sachoo
first most intelligent criticism for me..... thanks....:nw: :nw: btw i meant... pain itself took pity on me....
Hey, i was not criticising, come on. but again LOL ... pain itself took pity on me... hehehe y r translating... : Kabhie Dard ko bhi hadh se gujar jaane do kabhie humme bhi isko tarasaane do
^^^^ i dont know..u understood my concept well or not... but i found it good.... thats why i wrote it... sometimes magnitude of pain is so great...that...hearing the cry of the person in sorrow...pain itself decides not to hurt more... ufff.....why m i explaining u so much........
yaar sachi bolu, muzhe concept toh samazh mein aaya lekin magnitude of pain is only so great jab sui (injection i mean) lagti thi. Dard ko tab bachhe par taras nahi aaya toh ab kya aayega.... hehehehe... y i m explaining so much .. :
your suggestions made the concept more better.......words seems more expressive,not subtle...... well thanks for acknowledging the different piece of work.....new experiences with life made the creative inputs more enriched............ rohit
