Zen?

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by i'm_not_neo, Apr 7, 2009.

  1. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    I haven't really found a title for this one. I mean,yes I can come up with some obvious ones but that has never really worked for me..This one comes close..or so I think.Anyway,here it is:

    Haunted by this immortal desire,
    Life seemed to be trudging up
    an incline..I never intended to climb..

    On my way up,
    I can't help but look around..freedom,you betray me..
    And that hollowness intensifies
    For I don't know why I'm trudging..

    I stop all at once..
    The decline seems like fun..
    Ahh the excitement of a negated journey..
    For once,I'll close my eyes and trust you,gravity.

    It is never really easy for a man,
    To choose between poetry and physics.
    And as pride and honor go battle each other..
    I cry now for the only casualty..my logic.

    I no longer trudge but walk..it is all I can change
    On perhaps what still is a wrong incline..
    And those dreams of freedom,of love and destiny..
    Abandon all but my dreams..
    And I smile as I humor myself..
    That maybe atop this mountain,
    I shall find what my heart seeks..
    That piece of land..
    That land of peace.
     
    horsesmouth likes this.
  2. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    it has powerful emotions associated with it. gives nice impression, inspite of lack of rhyme.....
    wondeful, as always!!
    n yea, wt if the title is made: Zenith , or Climbing the mountain kinda thing!?!
     
    i'm_not_neo likes this.
  3. great lines..... i would say this is one of the best poems i hv read in the past few months
    i liked it although their caan be improvements in the depth of thoughts and giving the pictures u r creating more clarity

    3 cheers for you...hurrey
     
    i'm_not_neo likes this.
  4. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    Thank you!I left rhyming a while ago.I mean rhyme schemes.But I must say I'm flattered by the 'as always' part.Really.
    As for the titles you suggested..I don't really like titles giving away the theme of my poems mostly.I planned to call it 'Wrong Incline' actually.But it gives away too much.Yours were better,at least.
    I did like Zenith,though.Can make it Zen(ith).
     
  5. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    Aww,thank you.I've found your critiques to be very honest,so I will take that as a big compliment.
    Well,perhaps there can be in your take of this poem.
     
  6. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    Btw,
    @horsesmouth & monica:
    It's really good to see active users here.You guys are keeping this place alive.I mean,there was a time when I'd just post a poem here and get 1 reply weeks later.I'm not being biased here.It's good to see some active posters.Plus,you're good poets yourselves and I'm sure,encouraging many here.Keep it up :)
    Reps to you.
     
  7. what is it...u like to play god .... giving us cookies to be here ...make the population....haha
     
  8. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto


    Haha..I was hoping that gesture did not come across as a bribe or something.I'm choosy about giving reps so that was really a heart-felt gesture of happiness.As for the points,well,those were just for fun.
     
  9. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    Thanks!
    btw I'll be joining ship day after tomorrow, next 9 months m gonna miss this place
    :'(
     
  10. ^ forget us ....we r names for namesake !
     
  11. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    You're so cute, how can I fuh-get u?
    i'm_not_neo & u, monnie actually kept this place alive, since i've been here past few months........
    cheers!
    n for u monnie:
    ;P
     
  12. u r gettting late this day ends here !
     

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