zameer

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by nandy0894, May 23, 2012.

  1. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    tufaan hai raahon mein
    kohraam hai raaho mein
    darr hai harsu .. sabb saanson mein
    prr chla ja rha hu mein
    kaam prr mujhko jaana zaroor hai ..

    dhanda krta hu mein
    lene ka nahi ..sirf dene ka hai
    kamai kuch zada hai nahi
    prr kaam prr mein jaata zaroor hu ..

    aandhio ko jhel-paar krr
    barfeele angaaro prr chalkarr
    kaanton prr uff bhi na krta hu
    kuch ho jaye mujhe kaam prr jaata zaroor hu..

    zameer bechta hu mein ..
    surkh hothon prr kis laali ki tum baat krte ho
    vo laali meri kamai ka zaria hai
    pet nahi bhrta mein ..
    mann bhrta hu sirf..
    zameer bechta hu mein ..

    dil mein khyal koi hai nahi ..
    aansu .. khushi se vaqaf nahi
    pathhar ka he hu mein shayad
    kabr dekhkr bhi roya na jaata hai ...
    shamshan prr bhi sirr jhukta na hai mera

    kharidaar boht se milte hain
    sabbka mann bhrta hu mein
    jeb meri firr bhi khaali rehti hai
    kaun hu mein .. kya hu mein
    astitv mera kuch hai nahi
    bss zameer bechta hu mein..
     
  2. kaafi accha likha hai ... in fact bhuut accha likha hai

    wah

    last para ne puuri nazm ko kirdaar de diya, ye jaroor kisi real life kirdar se inspired hai ...

    Likhte rahiyega ... app bhuut accha likhte ho
     
  3. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    shukria :)
    umm .. nahi hai vaise ye inspired..i don't have an idea what made me write this.. haha

    and thank you again :)
     
  4. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    For sometime I was led to believe tht its meant to be about a flesh-trader! But its better.. And good lines, better vocabulary, and nice flowing rhythm. You've certainly gotten much much better..
     
  5. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    oh..m blushing .. :p:
    kidding..thank you :)
     
  6. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    Soooperb lines... Very mature ... Loved it...
     
  7. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    thank you :)
     

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