You!

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by sukriti_hats, Apr 23, 2010.

  1. sukriti_hats

    sukriti_hats Member

    well it's bakwaas poem....just sharing wid evry1...

    I can hear Calling - You
    I can't respond to it though
    I can see Moving - You
    I can't look out for you though
    I can taste Tantalizing - You
    You're not in the menu though
    I can smell Exotic - You
    You're no bottle of perfume though
    You are something I perceive
    With my eyes closed
    My heart overflowing
    In perfect solitude
     
  2. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    don't bother dude.. jus post.. u'll get better .. the idea is good but not well framed..nice try
     
  3. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    ^true
    poetry is nothing but a collection of similar ideas placed in lines.. the truer the better!
    and hey.. keep it up!
     
  4. asii hia vaisi hai ....ye hia vo hia.................Jo Hai ..I LIKE IT :)


    Keep rocking
     
  5. sukriti_hats

    sukriti_hats Member

    thnk u everyone ^_^
     
  6. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    while everyone has been generous, I will be little rude and honest.

    don't force yourself to write, don't force yourself to rhyme, sometimes a poem is complete within minutes but sometimes it takes days.

    Only last 4 lines are somewhere close to being a poem, rest is just all effort.

    Nevertheless, keep it up and never take criticism badly.

    If you want I will stop criticising and be generous from next time onwards but that will not help you also.

    keep smiling
     
  7. sukriti_hats

    sukriti_hats Member

    little rude???? vry rude!!
    well thnx 4ur suggestions
    frankly spking....i ws really not in a mood to write sumthing wen i wrote this
    so i finally ended up writing a crap
     
  8. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    that is exactly what I meant. poems should come naturally then they sound, look beautiful. every word connects and imagery is marvelous.

    Glad you took my criticism construtively.

    Apologies for being rude, but that I will be with no offence meant
     
  9. kid u rock...keep posting
     
  10. suprita

    suprita New Member

    well m no good at writing poems myself, but ur writing was really cute.......
    n u r bound to get better wid all the advice and encouragement.... waiting for ur next post...
     

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