Well guyz this is my first attempt to write sumthing which I dare call a poem (u may vary though ) ... just wanted to know 4m u all is it all crap or I made up sumthing at least !! :think: Pls tell me how u feel.... Yet another lonely day ------------------------------ Another night of coming back home late another night of sleepless hug to the lifeless bed another tryst with all thats so black and thick That make me believe God is really a sadist Another morning of waking up late it was so late when I slept and waking up to an aimless day I stare at the day blankly and wonder What am I going to do today? Another afternoon under the sun and everybody else is on the run don’t know after what only I seem to have all the time in the world to do don’t know what Another rainy evening that seemed so lovely earlier How I loved to have that rainy shower Now looking through the window I still get wet Not in the rain, but in tears which seemed so sacred When I never shaded one And that’s how my days pass by That’s how I live this life Still I go on forever on this lonely road Hoping someday I will find a road sign Telling me where my destination lies.
Woa ... thanx .... I was expecting sum repiles telling it all a crap..... but see .... now i think its time to sit and start writing the next one ...
The poem lacks content. Your writing style is decent and you have the right ideas and flow but your verse lacks content. I could've summed up the feelings in your entire poem into just one or two verses. The others just get repititive. What I'd like to see you do is re-write this (I say re-write only because I see potential....otherwise i'd ask you to scrap it)....chop a few of the repititive verses, add another few and change the vibe. One of the basic faults that you're making is that the desperation and depression is the only thing you seem to focus on. Picture this in real life. If there's an acquaintance of yours (not a friend, just someone you know) who is really depressed, it is human nature that you will try to cheer them up or just be a shoulder to cry on. But if this same person seeks you out everyday and rants on about how unlucky they've been in life, you will, in the end, either lose your mind or shut them up and move on with your own problems. No one likes to hear eternal ranting. Anyway, all in all, I think it's a pretty decent start to writing....hope to see some more from you.
Right Cryptic! got that. ... Thnx bjr for the valuable tips... will definately keep this in mind and try to come up with sumthing better ......
