Gham itne mile hai zindagi main ke ab khushi ka chehra tak yaad nahi Berang huwe hai sab rang kuch aise ke ab mehndi ka rang tak yaad nahi Sirf khamoshi baki reh gayi hai es ziist main Ke ab chudiyo ki khanak tak yaad nahi Yaha logo ke chehre pe dekhe hai aise naqab ke ab apna aks tak yaad nahi Kuch aisi udasi cha gayi hai in aankho main ke ab baharo ke nazare tak yaad nahi Ujde hai kayi aashiya in ankho ke saamne ke ab kisi chidiya ka gharondha tak yaad nahi Sapne kuch es kadar tute hai es shaher main ke ab koi bachi arzoo tak yaad nahi Andhero se jud gaya hai kuch rishta aisa ke ab shama ki wo roshni tak yaad nahi
Ghar se itna door ho chala hoon ki mummy kay haath kay khaane ki mehak yaad nahi :cry2: . Please dont write emotional ones .... hehehehe : . kewl one. u r writing good.
Thnx sachoo g :nw: Ye post karte waqt bohot darr lag raha tha ke na jaane kaise comments milenge..milenge bhi ya nahi ..but aap ne achi shuruwat ki hai..thnx
nice going...dolllie... but still i wud like to suggest more... rather than giving so many examples in poem...u can describe just few, very effectively..n add more rhyme.. like... gam mile hai zindagi me itne ki,khushi ka chehraa tak yaad nahi... bewaa huyi ho khushiyon se isskadar, ke hasi ka sehraa tak yaad nahi.. kuch aisi udaasi chaayi hai aankhon me,ke bahaaron ke nazaare yaad nahi aaj bhool chuki main khud ko bhi,kya aap kabhi the hamaare yaad nahi.. it was my point of view to see this poetry... many may like urs better.. but i suggested u... as freedom of speeech..u know..!! anyways girl... u rock... keep up ur nice work..
gam mile hai zindagi me itne ki,khushi ka chehraa tak yaad nahi... bewaa huyi ho khushiyon se isskadar, ke hasi ka sehraa tak yaad nahi.. kuch aisi udaasi chaayi hai aankhon me,ke bahaaron ke nazaare yaad nahi aaj bhool chuki main khud ko bhi,kya aap kabhi the hamaare yaad nahi.. Nice ones nimisha! & dolly urs is really good...But i agree with wht nimisha suggested! Keep it up
I gt yr point nims..next time i ll try not to gv so many exmples n describe few as u said .. Thnx alot nims.. but i must say tum lawajab ho sach..u rock sweety :nw:
Nims aapke hukm ki tamil karte huwe thode changes kiye hai ab batao kaisa hai ... Gham itne mile hai zindagi main, ke ab khushi ka chehra tak yaad nahi Khayi hai itni thokare humne, ke ab wo zakhm-e- nasur tak yaad nahi Berang huwe hai sab rang kuch aise, ke kumkum ka rang tak yaad nahi Jo in hatho main lagi thi kabhi, wo mehndi ki mehek tak yaad nahi Sirf khamoshi baki reh gayi hai es ziist main, Ke ab chudiyo ki khanak tak yaad nahi Bahro se ab rishta kaha hai, koyal ki chahek tak yaad nahi Yaha logo ke chehre pe dekhe hai aise naqab, ke ab apna aks tak yaad nahi Chand musafiro se huwi thi mulaqat safar mein, ab wo rasta wo rehguzar tak yaad nahi Kuch aisi udasi cha gayi hai in aankho main, ke ab baharo ke nazare tak yaad nahi Khel khele the humne bhi kayi bachpan mein, par aaj wo pal tak yaad nahi Ujde hai kayi aashiya in ankho ke saamne, ke ab kisi chidiya ka gharondha tak yaad nahi Baayi thi humne jo khawabo ki basti, wo kis tarha se ujdi ye tak yaad nahi Sapne kuch es kadar tute hai es shaher main, ke ab koi arzoo tak yaad nahi Ek umr guzar gayi hai ab toh, koi guzri justuju tak yaad nahi Andhero se jud gaya hai kuch rishta aisa , ke ab shama ki wo roshni tak yaad nahi Suna hai humein bhi shokh tha ujalo ka, par ab toh koi diwali tak yaad nahi
too good honey as always.... kammo good that u incorporated nimi-di's suggestions the sher is definitely improved thumbsup honey
