Why I never got a christmas present: An international conspiracy

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by bjr, Sep 1, 2005.

  1. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    While explaining a bit about christmas to a bunch of kids, they asked me if I ever got a christmas present in my entire short little life and that's where I came up with this. I'd opened an old school book of mine and seen all sorts of things scrawled on the pages...names of crushes, friends, enemies, random musings and some very impure thoughts in general. That's where I came up with the concept of what if books are actually nothing but pissed off trees which are trying to get even with us...and are now spies for Santa? What if they could read our minds like we can read them? I've never had very public-worthy thoughts in there anyway. Enough of my rambling, onto my creation...I thought some of you would enjoy this, it's got a Calvin and Hobbes touch to it:

    WHY I NEVER GOT A CHRISTMAS PRESENT: An International Conspiracy

    I think I've got the study blues
    I see it as I revise
    Spread through the pages are subtle clues
    that books are spies disguised

    They know the girls I think I like
    With whom I've fooled around
    They even know that little tyke
    I pounded into the ground

    tit-for-tat means books read you
    and mark you, just the same
    I ask myself what good it'll do
    And then it fits the frame

    Ever wondered how Santa guesses
    If we've been naughty or nice?
    'tis not chance, logic impresses
    That books are spies disguised!!!

    Year by year I spent those weeks
    Supressing the horns and tail
    I never guarded those imagination leaks
    which could embaress even those who sail

    And books, those poor trees I say
    Are out to settle the score
    And they get back by giving away
    Our deepest secrets and more.

    As I sit here wondering whom to blame
    I hit upon a plan
    Tomorrow, in my exam, I'll write my name
    And there I'll take my stand

    I'll refuse to write a single word
    Thats come from an exploited spy
    I'll call the examiner a stupid turd
    And refuse to tell him why

    A rebellion against this infernal system
    That cost me a million toys
    I'll burn these books in front of them
    And so will the other boys

    And so I put my books away
    Lock them all up tight
    Tomorrow is another big day
    The day I set things right

    27th December 2004.
  2. vini

    vini Repeat Offender

    lol.. very nice poem bro *applause*

  3. $cReWdR!veR

    $cReWdR!veR .:: Sweetheart ::.

  4. ssslayer

    ssslayer Banned

    strange only females have commented here :think:

    ok lemme go thru this ... then i'll post something ...
  5. cYpHeR

    cYpHeR Banned

    u wrote dat urself....hmm now i kno y so mny west bengal produces soo mny revolutionaries.....

    jokes apart.....nice one....post more of similar stuff.....lik WTC conspiracy...

    cant giv ya reps hav to spread sm more...
  6. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    perhaps its the irrestible *** appeal of subtlety? :beer:

    @cypher: It was rather inspiring na? I got so influenced by this that i proceeded to flunk the next three exams I gave. :eek::

    thanks a lot for your kind words and a singular applauder.
  7. jal_babe

    jal_babe im a SEDUCER

    Gr8 poem.........................:rockon:
  8. guitarangela

    guitarangela gran'ma

    gr8 poem...keep up the good work
  9. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    I'm guessing no one except the girls and cypher liked it :'(

    p.s.- I specialize in subtly bumping my stuff to the top
  10. DrSaurabh

    DrSaurabh Wh@+s Up D0C

    A la bill waterson mate.....now can u make cartoons....and we can go into buissness...i get 30% :grin:
    bravo man...i liked it( if that wasnt obvious enuf )
  11. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    hah! thanks a lot matey....I figured you'd get a kick out of this :) I,personally, thought that the last 4 verses especially could fit into Calvin's character.

    Have you read that book of his where the first little story is a rhyming verse about how he knows there are monsters under his bed and his parents think he's kidding and then what'll happen when he dies etc.?
  12. DrSaurabh

    DrSaurabh Wh@+s Up D0C

    Kinda reminds me of its a magical world
  13. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    eh...doesn't ring a bell :think:

  14. DrSaurabh

    DrSaurabh Wh@+s Up D0C

    that was the last C&H book ever...the last stanza kinda reminds me of the last strip in that book :cry1:......kinda
  15. rocking_devil

    rocking_devil Banned

    wah wah.......good poem i really liked !reps for u!
  16. anshphenomenon

    anshphenomenon Rape me :boff:

    good one,!!
  17. mr singh

    mr singh New Member

    gr8 poem m8, shabash, lol... :)
  18. anshphenomenon

    anshphenomenon Rape me :boff:

    mr singh
    bade time ke baad dikhe...?
  19. mr singh

    mr singh New Member

    hunji, menu maaf kardo...
    i was in egypt on holiday... :)
    and was really busy past 2/3 weeks... schools started again and i am stil quite busy but i will give igt all the time i can :)
  20. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    damn, now you've given me a new goal in life...to try and get my hands on that book. I thought I'd read them all :shock:

    Thanks a lot for your comments, poeple. I appreciate it.

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