~Tum Yaad Aaoge~ Jab dil ki dhadkane saath na degi Tum yaad aaoge Kuch kehke bhi keh na payege Tum yaad aaoge Bhini si khushbu kho jayegi jab mujhme Tum yaad aaoge Kuch yaad rehke bhi jab bhool jaoge Tum yaad aaoge Kahi unkahi baton main jab hum simat jayege Tum aaoge Tanhai main jab koi paas hone ka ehsaas chahege Tum yaad aaoge Na jaane hum tumhe aayege bhi ya nahi Dil se chahe to Dil bhi ho jate hai apne Roobaroo baitoge jab humare Poochoge tumhe sawaal hazaar Kyo yaad karte hai hum aapko har baar Kuch na pucha phir bhi bohot kuch bol gaye Sawaal na kiye jawaab phir bhi mil gaye Nazare khwaab main bhuji bhuji si hoti hai Tumhe dekhe kho jati hai Phir se shaam ki sunheri dhoop main Suraj dhalne laga Phir ek din kat gaya Aur dil aaho main mit gaya Yaado ka silsila yuhi chalta raha Har din ki tanhai raat main dhal gayi Subah ki pehli kiran main hoti shuruat Sukoon ka hota na din na hoti raat Jab aakhri dino main hum saason se khelege khel haseen Tumhari yaadon par hoga hume yakeen Na chodegi ye hume kabhi Bas sawaal kehte reh jayegi aakhen meri Yaad aayege hum kabhi? ---.--'---<@ I donno if thats good or bad do gimme your honest comments.. :
Excellent... I know wats going on in your back of the mind.. but writing the same on paper, eases up the pain! Keep writing... REgards, Zooom..!!
thanks zoom- you know i'm not very good with words @Ansh- thanks ..its jus some impromptu words put together @Amit-thanks--do gimme suggestions
Ok, here is what you wrote... Yaado ka silsila yuhi chalta raha Har din ki tanhai raat main dhal gayi Subah ki pehli kiran main hoti shuruat Sukoon ka hota na din na hoti raat some how i read them as four different lines which are good alone but dont communicate the unison feeling when come together. Lets see if i can change them to more meaningful... Yaado ka silsila yuhi chalta raha Din ka raat se faasla aur badta raha Subah ki pehli kiran se hui shuruat sukoon se na kata din na kati raat
i wonder jab dil ki dhadkan saath na degi to kya demag chalega aur agar woh chala bhi to kya tum yaad aaoge medically not valid but yes its a good poem with lil tinge of humour in it
hey thanks.. didnt know there was humour too.. well anyways... thats Martina..thats how i am @Amit- thanks.. i guess the whole poem needs correction.. :
this i can understand........ i liked it babes..... minus the last stanza.... looks like a different version of ~DNR~
bubbly...good one yaar........ Tanhai main jab koi paas hone ka ehsaas chahege Tum yaad aaoge straight to my heart ......nice line...
Martina...! I love the poem Some lines for you... karte hain mohabbat sab hi magar har dil ko silaa kab milta hai...? aati haiN bahaareN gulshan meN har phuul magar kab khiltaa hai...? (nm) Take care Amanush...
Thanks Abhi.. sorry Mr Cute! and thanks a lot Amanush .."i love the poem" is my line by the way it goes well with your poems Thanks a lot everyone.. Take care and God Bless