Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by Hell'n Wheels, Jul 1, 2006.

  1. Hell'n Wheels

    Hell'n Wheels New Member

    Take it easy on me I'm a Newbie, but I'd appreciate some feedback.Found this group totally by accident, I was actually surfing for Native American content. But, then I started reading some of the stuff ya'll have written & I was IMPRESSED. We seem to have slightly different ways of looking at life but , thats what makes the worlds go round,I like to look at life from different perspectives.
    I found this while digging around in some old papers. I wrote it over two decades ago. I was really surprised to find it 'cause I thought everything from back then had burned up in one of the two house fires I've been through and survived.


    I find it mildly amusing. "They" have actually admitted to me, "they" think I've lived a remarkable life.

    This, after giving me unasked for and unwanted advice on my new life as a young ex-wife.

    Twenty three years old- thats all......but, hard won wisdom beyond my years.

    I have rode my way through life, turning my back on the negative and the tears.

    Strong minded and smart, I have always loved the who and what...The way I am, inside, down deep.

    I've given over control of my life before,My choice, my mistake, no one to blame,with disastrous results that made me weep.

    No one can do to you what you don't allow and so,a mutually distructive relashionship ends.

    And suddenly I have learned that what I really need in life is,just my son, some family and some friends.

    The problem though today is people don't appreciate their lives.

    Nothing is ever enough and Loving is worse pain then being gutted with knives

    .... or so "they" think.

    But, your life too can change with one simple blink of your tear filled eyes.

    And your whole world clarifies,and you see the mental pollution and come to realize,

    How much time you've wasted on self pity and pathetic cries.

    You think of the ones who have nothing, who starve, with no shelter, no relief.

    While you sit in your room and purposely listen to sad songs. It's all make believe grief!

    This one won't call me and this one is talking shit!

    Why live your life right? If you really can't handle it?

    This is life, and with a mind so put together,
    I'll explain my remarkable(?) lifestyle.

    I try to learn new things everyday, life is a learning process, not a trial.

    I have learned to ignore the ignorance and laugh at the stupid things that people say.

    I do the work that's required and take time to play,

    And though my life is at a weird time right now and duty calls,

    Taking care of my grandmother with Alzheimers is no excuse to fall.

    It's no excuse for unhappiness, no excuse to why I'm not in school,

    And I know if I play my cards right, God will get me through this and everything will be cool.

    As unbelievable as it seems, there are moments of humor ,kindness and life affirming selflessness to whitness, even in this.

    This too, is a season, a life lesson. I wonder, when I'm older,which memories, from this time, will I choose on to reminisce?

    I try my best to think of others, but not so much as to take their pain.

    I try and understand the ungifted or the mentally insane

    ..... and trust me I've seen a few....

    Good WILL come from my life....

    This REMARKABLE ! HAPPY!! life !!!

    And though some days are harder then others, I know everything will turn out right.

    Loneliness is my option... No choice "they" say... Stop being so picky, you'll end up alone in the night.

    But, I'll be damned to settle for just anyone! Your just scared, "they" say.

    Oh YEAH!... that's definitely me! Ha Ha Ha !One day they tell me my life isn't "carefull" enough,

    The next, I should settle for any man that will "take care" of me 'cause life is too tough!

    Ha ha ha! Oh yeah, I'm funny too!, Sometimes my life seems but a joke... and the joke is quite stupid!

    But , I have my dreams.My dreams are so real that they are my sanity and my serenity. They are what keep me quietly lucid.

    My dreams and the very real love in my life.

    OH yes..... everything is quite alright.

    Me .
    ...My son
    ....My true friends
    ...and my remarkable life.
    Is it REALLY so different from yours?

    SOOOO? Feedback Please?
  2. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    i dont knw this a poem or ur biography...or u talking to a mirror or u were looking inside ...i dont knw hw many will read thsi and comment but its like u hv enough stuff 4 a poem y dont u write one
  3. Hell'n Wheels

    Hell'n Wheels New Member

    Did you see the one I wrote called I Thought RACES Were for Fun? It's more of a poem (I hope).I guess, at the time ,this WAS kind of meant to be a rhyming biography. Just my feelings put down on paper. It was written a very long time ago. The son I refer to in it is a 25 year old grown man now ,to be married in October.
    I'm thinking that this is probably not a group that wants me as a member. Please have a look at my other poem so, I can get at least your input before I leave the group. THANKS, LAURA
  4. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Hell'n Wheels.....this is amazing stuff.
    I somehow feel that its smthng related to your own life and situations.
    but every sentence and para makes sense to me.
    nomatter how great a poet is none wd dare to edit any part of this poem coz its totally complete and flowing.

    come up with more of these.
  5. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    dont worry man i put my comments ever where i feel i shuld
    and here most ppl r a bit laconic but thy give encouraging comments ..
    and yes ur other poem was great .... u r kinda seasoned (old wine) and we dont have any of this kind we all r young (i'm not sure of many here...hahhaha..dont mind i hv no mind ) post some more ...
  6. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    hey girl
    i've always believed poems get too transparent
    but this one seems more than crystal clear is more of prose than poetry
    but for start its good to collate all your thoughts
    and link them
    i dont know what mindset you went through when you wrote this
    i maynot even understand if you try to explain..
    dont vent through poems, sometimes its good sometimes it isnt
    and get really choosy about which poems you wanna make public
    some of "them" may not be courteous enough to appreciate emotions

    if you wanna leave this forum, its your wish
    but since your here jus be ready to take good and bad comments..thats criticism :eek:)

    i am not a female-wb yeats or wordsworth
    jus told u what i felt
    i like the motorbike poem the most
    its cooll ;)

    try and redo this poem if you want to and feel like...
    otherwise leave it.. :eek:)
  7. Hell'n Wheels

    Hell'n Wheels New Member

    Hi, Bubblely (Diggin' the name!) . I'm cool with everybody's opinions. That's what I posted it for. That's not why I was considering leaving, I just wasn't sure I was in the right forum. I've changed my mind since(a woman's perogotive! LOL). This was written a VERY long time ago, don't know if I'll attempt a rewrite or not. I tend to write about what I know so, it's very likely I get autobiographical . Hell'n

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