The Reply

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by #iR@, Aug 26, 2007.

  1. #iR@


    --> THE REPLY

    i see u crouched in a corner
    holding a machine that u made
    i enter ur room
    and am surrounded by mysterious figures, numbers and names
    i ask u wat u have been doing
    and u just lift ur head and say "Killing Time"

    taken aback i walk around ur room
    trying to figure out wat ur inventions scream
    those self painted walls
    with paintings of un-known things
    random books and notes strewn across the floor
    i bend down to view them
    but the passive look on ur face stops me from doing so

    i walk around and see
    a black cloth covering a metallic piece
    i look back at u and pull it off
    u jump up on ur feet and rush to stop me
    but this time i see one of ur inventions that u always hid
    and wow it was something outta this world!

    i gape at u, while u smirk
    how cud u be this way? i howl
    and i never got a reply

    ok this poem is WEIRD! i know i know! but i guess i am getting back in form! :p no actually this poem DOES have a VERY strong feeling hidden somewhere but i guess i wasnt able to portray it well enough... well here goes the background for this poem... read the poem again after reading this and lemme know if THIS TIME it made sense!:p

    well the person siting in the corner is basically me... and the ROOM is ma world... i mean wid weird figures and number that DO NOT MAKE SENSE TO ANYONE ELSE(person entering the room) well the inventions r minor or major achievements that i try to hide from everyone and for me they r something dat wud NOT make the world happy OR it isnt something important that SHUD be shared with everyone... so dats the reason ma first reply to wat i was doing was "KILLING TIME" and well wen ppl ask me why i am like this... i never have the words to explain them so they never get a reply...

    ok one more thing... the person sitting in the corner is "ME" but the person entering is EVERYONE i know! bbut in the poem i refer maself as the person entering the room cause i thought it wud be better ritten that way since it does not give a very clear view of me! :p:

    thx for reading! :)
  2. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    You know,honestly,the first time I read it I did feel it to be complete..may I say this is one of your outstanding was gripping all the way to the end...I mean it really is..and not to mention it got me all curious to know what the invention was..I did realize it was about "an individual's own world" but since you wrote it from the visitor's point of view I found it to be more about the curious nature of humans..
    All in all,it's splendid...reading from either the "scientist (may I say?)" or the visitor's point of view...sort of the classic 'opposites attract' theory...I mean the way the more enigmatic some1 is the more you want to know about him/her...

    I would've loved if you wrote a sequel or an actual "Reply" to this poem from the inventor's perspective..that would make it splendid-er..and before I start creating more words,lemme just say I loved this one..
  3. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    terrific explanation was required if u would have used some apt words
    still....good one ...!!
  4. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    terrific explanation was required if u would have used some apt words
    still....good one ...!!
  5. maxeffect

    maxeffect New Member

    Well written ! :cool:
    of all the work of urs which i have read so far...this one stands out :banana:
    and as not_neo stated...i'm waiting for the 'reply' -which actually is d title- given by d inventor..
  6. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Well, my baby sister's still going with her poems i see. Lovely poem young one. But please, next time, use proper punctuation and style. CAPITAL letters and commas and full stops and's a fun world. Delve into it and be rewarded. On a final note, love ya.
  7. #iR@


    @ i'm_not neo... wow... THANK U SOO much! ok ur comments about ma poem make it JUST SO OUTSTANDING!i dont know why... i mean u always get the depth of the poem which i appreciate! :) and yes to be very honest even I, myself liked the poem very much and dat CUD be because THIS TIME for a CHANGE i cud TOTALLY relate to what i was riting unlike MOST of ma poems... thanks a lot man... always looking fwd to ur comments and oh about riting another one... well ummm i just might do that!

    @ madhuresh... thx man... always looking fwd to hearing from u! :)

    @ max effect...thx a lot for the comments mate! mean a lot seriously!

    @ disturbed... THANK U SOOOOOOOOOOOO much bro! soo sweet of u seriously! luved hearing ur views and YES I KNOW i shud use proper punctuation and all... i'll keep that in mind for SURE! :) thx a lot once again!
  8. ~Bish

    ~Bish The Illusionist

    where is ma raaakhi :) nice poem.. but can be improved in lot of places..
  9. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

  10. #iR@


    lol... thx bro! :) ur comments r always welcomed! :)

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