The Painkiller

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by horsesmouth, May 18, 2010.

  1. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    this one.....quite close to my heart.... is dedicated to a dear friend....

    I went to the doctor and he asked me:
    "Where's the sorrow and where's the pain?"
    "Look inside me and check me", I said;
    "must be, once where the happiness had lain."

    He peered inside the wisely brain,
    took his time to check it out.
    To find the shadows, ghosts ofThe past,
    that must, in my mind, be circling about.

    He tore open my pumping heart,
    and found clots of misery scattered around,
    "Must be painful, your heart is broken", he said;
    "at last, the reason, for your pain I found."

    He took his instruments of the violent kind,
    shut my heart and closed my mind;
    Took his time to get it done,
    then checked again, and he found none.

    Done with his scissors and prickly needles, he said:
    "There's no sorrow and there's no pain."
    "Is it? then it must be gone", I said;
    "for now I've found a dear friend".
  2. allstarsband

    allstarsband New Member

    oh superb..
    i liked the third and last para....superbly done
    its serious but expressed in such a light manner...
    true words have so much power, and in your hands... u rock!
  3. metalhead_junky

    metalhead_junky New Member

    really good...
    n yes,...expressed in a beautiful manner.....not the usual friends r good poetry.....
    u've done it so beautifully!
  4. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    i dun know y .. but i always hav only "wow" 4 ur poems...
  5. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    @metalhead n

    oh......thanks u all........i dint xpect it to get such a good
  6. really nice one .. said waht it had to say types.... but still some how i feel these midiocre attemspts can be made reaaly artistic .... my be im wrong!!
  7. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    I guess everyone starts with a couple of lines and then make their way through verses and paras to create a complete poem with a perfect start, great story and an ending with a message.

    A poem should be able to cimmunicate the story and let reader assiciate themselves with it.

    All said and done, this is a great story telling, very well put together.
  8. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    i wanted to keep the humor alongwith the seriousness n the i dint try to make it heavy-duty ;)

    @walkalone.....thanks man, getting this response frm u means the job was good...
  9. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    its sad that the one who it was for is not even reading..
  10. sukriti_hats

    sukriti_hats Member

    :'( :'( :'(
    i feel pity on my fate....i cudnt giv anything to u :'( :'( :'(
    m a sinner
    but this sinner is giving blessings to an angel
    may u be always happy even if m dead
    i'm leaving
  11. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    dun wry babes, it'll b over n allright soon...u've been a real angel
    btw the reason u can b bak here's tht u cant del ur IGT profile unlike other places..
    mebbe sometime l8r..hope to cya again.. :(
    ciao, friend, n be happy wherevr you are
  12. horsesmouth'sGF

    horsesmouth'sGF New Member

    @horsesmouth.........why sad??/... nice work !
  13. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    @ horsesmouth'sgf ... welcome, do we know you ?
  14. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    ^ lets stop this sad thing before it gets any further
  15. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    no idea what u mean ... ?
  16. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    its rilly sucking to hav my user name abused in this way...

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