The Labyrinth

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by i'm_not_neo, May 7, 2007.

  1. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    Finally came up with a song...My friend is busy trying to get a tune for it especially since the last verse breaks the flow a bit but anyways...

    The Labyrinth

    I walk,seeminly in circles
    Getting lost somewhere
    in the walls
    of your troubles.

    For your help,
    I cry and shout,
    Oh dear God,
    Show me a way out..

    Coz I've lost
    What I could never find
    And now I'm stuck
    In the labyrinth of her mind.

    She like steady water,
    Calm on the surface,
    But inside she like a pebble
    and I'm caught in the ripples..

    Coz I've lost
    What I could never find
    and now I'm stuck
    In the Labyrinth of her mind..

    She hears my cry,
    And lights my way,
    its the warmth of her heart
    that guides me all the way..

    Now I found what I always wanted
    Your love lights my way,
    And even if I ever go blind,
    I'm sure I'll find my way
    out of the labyrinth of your mind.
    born2tab likes this.
  2. siddarth_d

    siddarth_d New Member

    Amazing dude!
  3. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    ^thanks man
    siddarth_d likes this.
  4. siddarth_d

    siddarth_d New Member

    Reps to ya!
  5. born2tab

    born2tab rhythm guitarist

    atta boy...

    repped ya!!!
  6. zicky5608

    zicky5608 Power Shortage

    Man..this is beautiful.

    100% You. 100% The Best.

    You're going to have some of your poems in those textbooks soon, or for the school's examinations.
  7. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    @born2tab...thanks man...and this time they weren't negative!!lol..thanks again..

    @aj...truly flattering...I do hope it doesn't go into school textbooks though coz no one reads 'em then,atleast I never did..
    yazi and paranoid13rohan like this.
  8. paranoid13rohan

    paranoid13rohan .: iNDiaN iDioT 3.0 :.

    awesome poem. reps coming. :rock:
  9. yazi

    yazi Banned

    Reps to ya
  10. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    @paranoid13rohan and yazi..thanks for the reps..nice to know it was good.
  11. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    Pretty darn awesome as a song(especially the beginning). I'd think of it as coldplay-ish in my head for some reason. I didn't like the second verse but I would have if the reference had been to something other than God (or the Devil) I think.

    I think you're going downhill after the first half. I's a complete mood swing to the opposite side somewhere in the middle and that doesn't happen often in a song. I mean, at least not in rock/alt. rock/pop. You'd have a hard time with the music if you try to corelate it to the words.
  12. ~Bish

    ~Bish The Illusionist

    loved it.. man no need to tell again u rock.. do post the song once done..
  13. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    I like it! Although I do wish you'd change the last stanza. What ur trying to say there, couldn't you put that into a stanza which can be like an alternate, ending chorus? The second last stanza could then be like a bridge?
  14. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    @bjr..I completely appreciate the honesty.It's really hard for me to come up with a song as I've been so used to making poems..hence perhaps it isn't a song in its complete sense...
    I know a drastic mood swing isn't really that prominent in songs but I did not want to make a song which just said the guy's lost right till the end..

    The actual moodshift was supposed to be slow from a person who's lost, who then finds "the way" and then earns an enlightenment.The "twist" in the song was the chorus that changes at the end which makes the listeners feel good..
    So the mood was supposed to shift to the exact opposite towards the end..
  15. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    @Crytpic Angel..thank you :).
    Well yeah that is the plan...the last stanza is the alternate chorus.The plan was to leave the audience happy by changing the chorus at the end.But the last stanza still isn't fitting into the music of the chorus...Maybe I'll have to rewrite the ending..

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