Finally came up with a song...My friend is busy trying to get a tune for it especially since the last verse breaks the flow a bit but anyways... The Labyrinth I walk,seeminly in circles Getting lost somewhere in the walls of your troubles. For your help, I cry and shout, Oh dear God, Show me a way out.. Coz I've lost What I could never find And now I'm stuck In the labyrinth of her mind. She like steady water, Calm on the surface, But inside she like a pebble and I'm caught in the ripples.. Coz I've lost What I could never find and now I'm stuck In the Labyrinth of her mind.. She hears my cry, And lights my way, its the warmth of her heart that guides me all the way.. Now I found what I always wanted Your love lights my way, And even if I ever go blind, I'm sure I'll find my way out of the labyrinth of your mind.
Man..this is beautiful. 100% You. 100% The Best. You're going to have some of your poems in those textbooks soon, or for the school's examinations.
@born2tab...thanks man...and this time they weren't negative!!lol..thanks again.. @aj...truly flattering...I do hope it doesn't go into school textbooks though coz no one reads 'em then,atleast I never did..
Pretty darn awesome as a song(especially the beginning). I'd think of it as coldplay-ish in my head for some reason. I didn't like the second verse but I would have if the reference had been to something other than God (or the Devil) I think. I think you're going downhill after the first half. I mean...it's a complete mood swing to the opposite side somewhere in the middle and that doesn't happen often in a song. I mean, at least not in rock/alt. rock/pop. You'd have a hard time with the music if you try to corelate it to the words.
I like it! Although I do wish you'd change the last stanza. What ur trying to say there, couldn't you put that into a stanza which can be like an alternate, ending chorus? The second last stanza could then be like a bridge?
@bjr..I completely appreciate the honesty.It's really hard for me to come up with a song as I've been so used to making poems..hence perhaps it isn't a song in its complete sense... I know a drastic mood swing isn't really that prominent in songs but I did not want to make a song which just said the guy's lost right till the end.. The actual moodshift was supposed to be slow from a person who's lost, who then finds "the way" and then earns an enlightenment.The "twist" in the song was the chorus that changes at the end which makes the listeners feel good.. So the mood was supposed to shift to the exact opposite towards the end..
@Crytpic Angel..thank you . Well yeah that is the plan...the last stanza is the alternate chorus.The plan was to leave the audience happy by changing the chorus at the end.But the last stanza still isn't fitting into the music of the chorus...Maybe I'll have to rewrite the ending..
