The Known….. There she stands Staring at me I am trying to ignore her As she is scaring me Her mouth shut But eyes shouting aloud As for years she was searching for me That now she has found I hurried up…moved on To continue with my journey Strangely I found her everywhere As if she is eagerly waiting for me Beautiful she is Clad in all black Kindness is something That her face lack Her face is absolutely blank With no emotions…no feelings With pain in her eyes Now gradually she starts moving While I’m wondering Why can’t anyone notice her Am I the only one to whom she’s visible? She continues moving further Now she increases her pace As if it’s ‘the time’ to complete her mission Now I realize that she is coming towards me Without my permission My mind began to race With my destiny & with her pace My legs moving as fast as my mind Try to succumb my fear, which I’m not able to hide In this quest of moving away from her I was hit by something that I don’t remember The next moment I was struggling to breathe She took my hand & made me stand up Now she smiles at me My pain gone with an ease I’m still puzzled With her mysterious smile & looks Which says “Mission Accomplished” This Delhi noise on top of it Gosh….why are these people shouting Creating a fuss over what Let me also have a glance of that bit Then I saw myself, lying in that pool of blood Saw & heard people discussing that a minute ago I took my last breath A tear dropped out of my eye & a smile flicked on to my face ** That’s when I realized that she is none other than my best friend – “Death” Title: I have kept the Title as “The Known” because Death is something that is known to all human beings….we know that anything that has taken birth is going to Die too. **: A tear dropping out of an eye depicts the pain of leaving everyone behind…. who Loved me & whom I Loved…. & Smile depicts the satisfaction that I have completed my journey. A rare attempt of writing something dark, lets see if this is dark enough to make people comment ….
Beautiful IMAGINATION and Excellent PERSONIFICATION of the very truth called "DEATH". LIKED it. :annoyed: *grumbles* have to spread more
Good description.... a lot of ppl talk abt death here ..HAHAHA ...sach kahuu to ...leave it only one thing "its a peaceful fealing" when the thing is near ...no hurry no running away.......but ur poem is really good This Delhi noise on top of it Gosh….why are these people shouting Creating a fuss over what Let me also have a glance of that bit ye mast hai..
You could've done without words/phrases like "mission accomplished", "permission" You say attempted to write a dark poem, then why this: And "as she is scaring me" sounds like a li'l kid wrote it. That's all I have to complain :grin: I first thought she's a ghost or smthng.. and I felt it would've been better if you extended the death part a bit with some imagery. But I liked it. It's a really good attempt It's always good to try something different, keep it up! Admit it, you used "lack" instead of "lacks" to make it rhyme, didn't you :grin:
im damn sure she was RANI MUKHERJEE......: : and gary, yaar ur known is nearly thrice my unknown... ..but a good one considering ur first dark attempt....man now u ve made me think about buyin the torch if u r gonna write more darker poems...:
nice but the delhi noise parrt spoils the effect a bit...but odawise the theme is awesome - we all know death - but nuth9 abut death or afterwereds//
@Sharmaontime....Thanks that u liked...& dont mind the rep systm...i kno it sux big time...i feel the same @Madhuresh...Thanks yaar...for liking those lines more @Loopy fruit...*Phew* thats quite a list of complains.... well....i thot i needed those words ther....if u thnk the other way round pls suggest wat u thnk wud hv been best ther... That para was significant too....not sure if u r frm Delhi...but Delhi roads r like that...it mite sound funny to u....but when i ws writing it wsnt fr me... & yea, whn it comes to Death we all r scared ....like kids...no matter how brave one is...:grin: Thanks for reading..... @Sachoo....so u edited ur post huh...??hope u read it b4 editing that...if not...read it :grin: : & yea, i believe in reincarnation. @Abhi....i dint thnk of RANI at all :shock: she came in my mind just now aftr reading ur post...thanks...: he he.... @Fat_Kax...Thanks for reading buddy.... @Pamposh...Thanks for appreciating....
shit!i am gonna die someday....:cry2: ah well.....cant change it.....no use of complaining..... quite good ....keep it up!!! reps if possible:beer:
hehehe.. yeah i read it n tht's y changed all (coz tht was so stupid) : n i knew tht u read it too ... >> reincarnation theory.. :grin:
This Delhi noise on top of it Gosh….why are these people shouting Creating a fuss over what Let me also have a glance of that bit this part/stanza could've been the starting of the poem overall its excellent but somehow this stanza dampens the mood and the flow of the poem.. everything seem perfectly fine..but this particular stanza is the only one which kinda uses the daily language.. and breaks the link to be relinked by the last stanza Then I saw myself, lying in that pool of blood Saw & heard people discussing that a minute ago I took my last breath A tear dropped out of my eye & a smile flicked on to my face ** That’s when I realized that she is none other than my best friend – “Death” anwys i guess it is neccessary and things wouldnt have been the same without it.. nice work girl!! btw nice use of onomatopoeia...not everyone is good at that..
hmm...the ending was coooll....thats where i loved the poem....but u lost track in between.....like in the stanza 'Now she increases her pace As if it’s ‘the time’ to complete her mission Now I realize that she is coming towards me Without my permission' you make the poem sound a bit ...juvenile.... but of course...given that this is ur first attempt at this 'genre' ...i'd say ...'claps everybody!!!!!' (p.s- i hope i did my part well eh??
@ Hira....thanks so much @Uj_6string....dont worry we all are in the same boat when it comes to death...Thanks for reading.. @Sachoo ...:grin: @Martina...Thanks alot buddy.... @Taxyse...claps for u too...(for completing ur part even i did my part...well b4 u did....:grin: @All....well...wud try to b a lil more serious nxt time :
excellent start.. nice going.. but revealeation at end is bit...lacking link.. us usual..always great..from garima..
@Abhi....m sure u got the idea of ur Titanic thread thru this onli :....& hope u r not assuming urself to b at Leo's place : : @Nimisha...Thank Youuuuu :grin:
