The First Rain

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by wylder, Feb 9, 2012.

  1. wylder

    wylder New Member

    Here's my attempt at writing a song. A little cheesy maybe, a little serendipity in office after reading the other threads in this forum. Suggestions welcome...


    At times I wonder if we'll ever see the light
    This tunnel of life just leads into the night
    There's no way to tell friends from foes

    I feel I'm the only in a world so cold
    My cup is getting heavier than I can hold
    How much deeper can I dig I'm at the core

    -- I despair, I fall down
    -- Can't get up off the ground
    -- Just laying down and writhing in pain
    --
    -- I'm done with it all, can't go on
    -- A dead-end street I have walked too long
    -- And then you walk in like the first rain

    You're one of the kind I thought I'd keep afar
    All I had were memories and the 6-inch scars
    Picture of me had no room for you in the frame

    When the last thing on my mind is a talk
    You set me free, like the key to my mind's lock
    And then I arise alive to fight another day

    -- I reach out and you lend the arm
    -- You guide me, you're there to warn
    -- You're my madness that keeps me sane
    --
    -- When I'm tired on my blistered feet
    -- I'm parched out and wilt in the heat
    -- You breathe new life like the first rain

    When all hope is gone
    The walls come crashing down
    When I feel all alone
    There is no comfort around

    -- I despair, I fall down
    -- Can't get up off the ground
    -- Just laying down and writhing in pain
    --
    -- I'm done with it all, can't go on
    -- A dead-end street I have walked too long
    -- And then...
    --
    -- I reach out and you lend the arm
    -- You guide me, you're there to warn
    -- You're my madness that keep me sane
    --
    -- When I'm tired on my blistered feet
    -- I'm parched out and wilt in the heat
    -- You breathe new life like the first rain
     
  2. mymusicmyguitar

    mymusicmyguitar New Member

    Nice.....

    Suggestions :-

    Write more songs... u r good at it :p
     
  3. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    i like i like!!

    "you are the madness that keeps me sane" .. that's a beautiful line.. :)
     
  4. wylder

    wylder New Member

    @nandy0894 - I actually started out on it by trying to rephrase your poem from the thread titled "..." to make it lyrical. So thanks for that...

    @mymusicmyguitar - Thanks for the encouragement, I'll try for some more...
     
  5. wylder

    wylder New Member

    Carpe Diem

    Here's another one that I came up with today. Suggestions welcome, especially on improving the flow of ideas and change of wordings.

    He was born in a small town
    To parents of not much renown
    Seeking a life like everyone else around
    Went to his first rock show
    And oh well, what do you know
    The boy in him had a whole new world to go

    -- A heart of steel, an iron will
    -- A spirit that no force can kill
    -- Desire to be there, any price you pay
    -- A lust for gold, to do things untold
    -- No mind to wait and let it unfold
    -- Carpe diem - this is your today

    Years went by, the boy grew up
    His eyes still on the one big cup
    Night and day he toiled without a stop
    Deep down he knew was a step away
    From the dream he'd always wish and pray
    No comfort could ever lead him astray

    -- A heart of steel, an iron will
    -- A spirit that no force can kill
    -- Desire to be there, any price you pay
    -- A lust for gold, to do things untold
    -- No mind to wait and let it unfold
    -- Carpe diem - this is your today

    The day is come he's waited for
    You hear him now on the radio
    All those years are now just a shade
    Things are but few that still stayed

    -- A heart of steel, an iron will
    -- A spirit that no force can kill
    -- Desire to be there, any price you pay
    -- A lust for gold, to do things untold
    -- No mind to wait and let it unfold
    -- Carpe diem - you make tomorrow today
     
  6. mymusicmyguitar

    mymusicmyguitar New Member

    Somehow i cannot link the two lines.
    "Seeking a life like everyone else around
    Went to his first rock show"
    Also it seems like a sudden jump off the topic. May be u can add some more lines in between to give that proper flow towards music
    Something like..
    "Seeking a life like everyone else around
    Tired of life and desire to do somethign bigger
    His heart sung songs which remained unheard
    the sound of music wud sway him away
    the rhythm would get him into another world
    Dont know what the feeling was
    whatever it was was out of this world"

    Sorry buddy but i havent written even one poem in my life. But i meant something like that..one more para in between he goin for a rock show

    I loved the chorus part..and overall its really awesome...
     
  7. great poems ...
    Post them one by one ...

    Awesome !!!
     
  8. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member


    oh..im glad..moi plaisir.. :)
     
  9. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    this one is great too..but make a second part of it.. i think..i mean...after he got all the fame...umm..try it..im sure u'll make it amazing...hoping to read it soon. :)
     
  10. wylder

    wylder New Member

    Thanks for the comments, trying to rework it but somehow that feels tougher than actually writing it the first time. The rhymes don't come together and timings of phrases are going off.
    Was looking at giving these a tune over the weekend, will post updates as soon as I have something...
     
  11. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    closing his eyes ..thinking about all the achievements and glories ..he is now here .. sitting on his dream throne..
    lighting a cigarette ...like he owns the world..with wet eyes he keeps a palm on his heart..which was once hard as a stone..
    sitting on a chair..by the riverside
    gaping at anything..at everything..with wet eyes
    and now he realizes ..the time that has flown..the sun that rose..the years that have passed by ..
    everything is now moving so slowly..just about everything about which he had raised such a hue and cry
    people bow down to him..kiss his feet..
    he is the one who anyone would die to meet..
    he has fame just lying there unattended in his pockets..
    he has everything.. he has the fuel to chase flying rockets
    but who does he celebrate his success with ?
    he drinks the most priced wine but the taste is still a myth
    he is known ..he is powerful and influential.. he has fame..but no friends to cheer him on
    he has the largest bed done up of gold .. but no wife to wake him up with a kiss on a b'ful morn
    he has all the luxuries, all the comforts that the world has to offer to him
    he has the best lighting system in his great mansion but no sleep in his eyes when the lights are dim
    and today ..sitting here by the riverside..with wet eyes...all he can do ..
    is to spit on the money...cry for the fame..crying for catching this contagious flu
    he's giving it such a deeep thought...with a calm brain though ..he is the same man..but he is a different man
    suddenly he takes out a phone..drops it by the riverside..with a smile on his face...now he knows about his next plan..




    ummm..yea i know...it does not fit the song...maybe its ok for a poem..i mean...try and write someething like this.. ?
    if u find it ok...frankly..i don't.. :) but still....
     
  12. Rocean

    Rocean New Member

    nice lines
     
  13. Rocean

    Rocean New Member

    nice lines keep writin n u could b earning extra bucks by sellin these to the record company.... Wats the harm... ? : )
     
  14. wylder

    wylder New Member

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