The Beginning That Never Started!

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by #iR@, May 28, 2006.

  1. #iR@


    hello ppl... another poem i rote just rite now and like always looking fed to ur replies... not my sort of poem...i don't know i just rote it! :p won't say more... ur comments r welcomed LIKE ALWAYS! :)


    I can hear u breathing near me
    I can feel u touching me
    Although u r not here
    These winds that gush by me
    These droplets that stream down the pane
    Just remind me of every single moment
    I have spent with u
    From dusk till dawn
    I dream of u
    I think of u
    I cry for u
    I smile for u
    I fall for u
    I stand for u
    I live for u… love..

    I can see u smiling at me
    I can feel u standing next to me
    Although u r not here
    These whispers that echo in my mind
    This loneliness that mocks at me
    Just remind me of every single moment
    I have spent with u…

    Why did u have to leave so soon
    This was just the beginning
    The beginning of a life
    The beginning of a new dawn
    The beginning of a journey
    A journey with sorrows and joys
    I thought u would be there for me
    To wipe off my tears
    To protect me
    To save me…

    But I guess this is the end…
    The end of the beginning
    The beginning that never started!

    mmmm...... comments.... :cool:
  2. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Glimpses of brilliance in an otherwise imagery(less) poem. These lines almost cross over to being lyrics, which in all fairness is good in its own way. I just know you can infuse more imagery into your poems and that you can do a better job. Bear in mind Hira, whenever i say something like that, know this, compared to most of what i read, you write absolutely wonderful stuff. I just want to get the best out of you with my critiques. Good job gurly.

    [EDIT] Changed your usertitle to something more fitting.
  3. #iR@


    @ disturbed... WOW! thx a LOT MAN! great to have ur comments! i don't know wat to say... i am speechless.... and thanks a lot for the title cause man NOW I ACTUALLY feel that u realllllllllyyyyyyy do like ma stuff! :nw: thxxxxxxx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :dance:

    @ astro... thx for the reps! :)
  4. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    U never disappoint me girl:)

    i liked the thoughts and they'v been rightly put across
  5. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    As rightly said by Sarat...ur poem lacks imagery but still maintains the rythm.

    Ek dum dhinchak hai.
  6. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    You're welcome darling.
  7. apurbajd

    apurbajd ~#$&*$@*^$

    disturbed rightly changed ur user title ................ :)

    reps ...
  8. amit82cse

    amit82cse Silent observeR

    you are awesome hira....truly
  9. #iR@


    @ bubbly... THX A LOT GURL! :dance:

    @ pamposh... thx man! great to read ur comments! :)

    @ apurbajd... thx for the reps man! i was planning to change my user title back to wat it was cause i still think i ain't THAT good or even good to be honest! :eek:: but thx anyway! :rule:

    @ amit... WOW!!! THX MAN! :nw:
  10. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    Don't you dare change your title.

    I'd have been disappointed if not for the last 3 lines. I loved it.
  11. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    the first stanza sounds like a song ..ok one
  12. #iR@


    @ brj... WATEVER U SAY SIR! :cool: i actually had to read wat the last 3 lines were... THANK GOD THEY SAVED ME! hehe

    @ madhuresh... thx man! why does everyone tell me that my poems r like songs i mean lyrics! :think:
  13. ^^ amazing and awesome..that's all i can say....great one..still confused with your it name or what?
  14. #iR@


    @ devilishly_ purs... THX A LOT! :nw: well... my id is #iR@... which is MY NAME... meaning that my name is HIRA and i have just ritten it in a way that NOT EVERYONE will understand! hehe clever ah? lol :cool:
  15. guitarangela

    guitarangela gran'ma

    amazing poem, hira..its definitely different from your other poems..but i like this......and the last three lines were excellent :nw: :nw:

    I didnt know you can be this romantic...well, you are my twin siter, no?? so you will always be romantic!;) ;) :beer: :rock:

    usertitle = perfect!:nw:
  16. #iR@


    @ angela... WOW!!!! thx GURL! yea u r my twin sister! :) oh yea honey... u have no idea how romantic i can get! ;) lol

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