now u hv to read it in flow so read it slow first get conversant with the flow and then read with temo........... Title: tasveer aur main ********************************************************* ek puraane frame main lagi tasveer se mai ne puchaa abee tu ek hi jaghae tangee huee bore nahi hoti.... chpkaliyaan ghumti hain tera pass aur kide andee dete hain seele huii dewareen, tu apni kismat ko nahi rooti.... ek bholi si ladiki, mere sheeshe main apna chera dhek kar chere pe aagye baloon ko savaar leti hai kabhi kabhi mil jayee jo waqt iss floor ko saf karne se dheere se apne aaks ko puchkaar leti hai vo bahut gariib hai aur jhaadu ke sang dance karti hai jab bhi kisi se kapde udhaar leti hai abb tu hi bata jindagi kis ki bhali unn alishaan gallerys main lagi artifacts ki jo mehengi too hain par barsoon se bejaan tangi hai... ya mujh not so good, so-so, badraang kala ki jo ek pyaari se ladki ke umaange aur umeed aur aarmaan bhari hai.... ********************************************************* nimisha this one is 4 that resquest of urs...hey remember girl this is not a work which says its poetic it makes u feel wahts poetic...the frame here is the world ur sorrounding ...the glass is ur deeds ...i that is the poet is ur mann(heart) and girl >ur loved ones just any one u care for...so this is last of this kind dont ask for more....
ye bubbly ji ko bhi padhni chaahiyee...aak kal bahuut intense poems likh rahi hain.......mera request hai kuch chumma chati likhoo yaar
madhuresh u think too much.... n this concept what u explained in the end proves it... hats off for these thoughts... but ur poetic style is very different.. if i had same thought n i was suppose to write this poem.. i wud have written like this.... ek tasveer thi... puraani thi.. na jaane kitne saalon se ek hi deewar se zaankti huyi.. apne rangon me samaaye... waqt ki berang kahaani thi.. poocha maine ke tu zindagi se ruswaa kyu nahi...?? din-raat yuhi gumnaami ke andheron me kat rahe hai... tuze shikwaa kyu nahi..?? etc etc......... ur way to express is total 'hat-ke'... i dunno how many of us appreciate that style... but thought behind it is awesome...:beer:
abhi jo bhi hai, jaisa bhi hai, yahi hai dil ne jaise suna di, hum ne vase hi, kahi hai tum kehte ho to, achha hi hooga varna itna soochne ka, vaqut, nahi hai... hey why dont u continue and pen ur thoughts down....accha likhaa hai tune
u encouraged me to complete that poem... so here im writting it again.... ek tasweer thi... puraani thi... najaane kitne saalon se ek hi deewar se zaankti huyi... apne rangon me samaaye, waqt ki berang kahaani thi... poocha maine ke zindagi se tu ruswaa kyu nahi?? din-raat yuhi gumnaami ke andheron me kat rahe hai... tuze shikwaa kyu nahi?? ussne kahaa... apne khamoshi ko mitaa ke... barson se tamnaaon ki dhool ko hataa ke... 'dekha hai ek ladki ko... bholi si anjaani si... chaand ki tarah apne roop se begaani si... dekhi hai usski muskuraahat, mere shishe me sawarte huye.. apne garibi ko bhool ke, palbhar ke liye khud ko rajkumari samazte huye.. dekha hai usska dard, jad wo apni majbooriyon pe roti hai.. naukraani ka kaam karte huye, kabhi mahal ke sapne leke soti hai.. naach uthti hai jab koi dekh na rahaa ho ussko... mere shishe me zaank ke baat karti hai khud se, ke jaise maine hi kuch kahaa ho ussko.. abb tuhi bataa zindagi kis ki hai bhali?? unn alisshan tasweeron ki, jo mehfilon me chamkati hai.. zoothi taarife paa kar, apne zoothe rango pe damakti hai?? ya.. mere jaisa ek berang... jo kisi ke jeevan me rang bhar deta hai.. pal bhar ke liye sahi.. kisi ke udaas mann ko khush kar detaa hai.. ek baat bol rahaa hu aaj.... ke khud pe gurur karnaa aasan hai.. kathin to tabb hai... jab hum kisi ko itni taakat de sake ke woh khud pe gurur kare..'
*claps* toooo goooddd....par main jhooth bolta agar main aisa likhta .... "poocha maine ke zindagi se tu ruswaa kyu nahi??"....vo to mast thi chill thi apni halat main fullfilled thi....i wanted to mock its condition....kamina approch and she replyed without any gurges ....simple.. pure... true beauty ...true art... mere ko ideas nahi aate i just watch things and get thoughts...and they keep convincing me to give my time to them..... again ur attempt ws much better than mine
Manu Ji! Koi aur hota to kehta ki aapne angrezi shabdon ka prayog karke aapne shayari ka qatl kiya hai Lekin apna-apna nazariya hai Log seedhe saral shabdon main aasani se bohot kuch samjh jate hai kabhi-kabhi "bhari bhurkam" shabd ki bhi bohot kaam ki cheez hote hai.. shukr hai aapko itna sochne ki zarurat nahi hoti aapki shabd-rachna alag hoti hai humesha Aur aap hume humesha kehte ki hum kabhi aapki tarah likhne ki koshish kare.. hum dono ki bhasha gar kuch maieno main ek jaisi ho phir bhi main aapki tarah shayad hi kabhi likhugi.. Ye kavya rachna achi hai..hasya ras pechida sawaalon ko asaan sa banati hai gar aap koshish kare to bina hasya ras bhi ye kavita achi bana sakte hai..
Awesome.....!!!! I'm not comparing both of you but its great two differnt takes to the same theme! Nice work!
this was not poetry war.... it was just the showcase of different styles.... whatever is the style... originality i the theme is most valuable....
