Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by astroguru26, Jan 6, 2007.

  1. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member

    Walking alone and barefooted on the sea-shore
    Without tears in the eyes
    I saw towards heaven and thanked him…..
    “Good have taken out the love out of my life”
    otherwise I cud allowed my body to play on the name of commitment”….
    “better. you have taken my innocence out of my soul”
    otherwise I cud be there in the dreamy world what does not exist.
    “best have taken the hand that supports me’
    Otherwise I will wait for the shadow to be with me in sunlight too…

    Waching the sun-set I don’t go mellow now
    Thinking romantic outings…
    It makes me feel numb as with darkness he used to
    Swallow me on the name of love…
    Now no one can hurt me ..
    Noone can pacify me …
    I am free spirit
    Losing my innocence and virginity
    I walked barefooted thinking
    Worst cud be more but
    By the grace of god I survived…….

    vini, nimisha and madhuresh like this.
  2. #iR@


    hmmmmmmmm... now those were some different thoughts! read something by u after a long time! good job like always! :)
  3. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh have taken the hand that supports me’
    Otherwise I will wait for the shadow to be with me in sunlight too…
    Does it really means ...then eht line shud be
    "otherwise i would have waited for the shadow to be with me in sunlight too.."

    and if its so great streach ..kitna soocha hoga tune itni duur jane ko !..hmm
    reps added !
  4. 2good4you

    2good4you New Member

    .............. :think:

    ... nice poem i like the flow it follows...
  5. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    cutting all that panegyrics, lemme tell u straight.. its extremely touchy, n deeply moving. good work!
  6. notty_lad

    notty_lad sudo undress

    @2good4you .. You surely liked the "losing virginity" flow didn't ya :D
  7. 2good4you

    2good4you New Member

    why do u bother to reply to all my post...

    applies to u more...
  8. vini

    vini Repeat Offender

    You've expressed very nicely, putting across ur thought process very clearly.Most of all..i liked ur choice of title...Kudos!

    As u've posted ur poem here..i assume u wouldnt mind some criticism too? so now some bitter part! u do have that poetry knack..but here and there u have used a lilttle inapt words..which kinda kill the feel of poem..Im sure the next thing which will come to ur mind would be "What words..what is she talking about?" is one example:-

    Reps for sure
  9. notty_lad

    notty_lad sudo undress

    Because I'm hitting on you and I'm e-motional!

    So much more indeed.
  10. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    I love that you always write about things which most people do not think to write about. I hate that you don't do justice to your poetry. You've got the right way of thinking and I wouldn't call what you've written bad but I can't help thinking that this piece has so much more potential than you've brought out. I think you should make a serious effort into improving your grammar and vocabulary to bring out the best in you or perhaps switch to a different language.

    Good job but I was still disappointed. I thought this piece could have done much more.
  11. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member

    well said....still needs to be improved ....the disappointment factor will act as catalyst ....even its good job and appreciated.....

    a kick on the ass is the movement forward........

    cheers to all who has felt this as praiseworthy contribution.....


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