Walking alone and barefooted on the sea-shore Without tears in the eyes I saw towards heaven and thanked him….. “Good ..you have taken out the love out of my life” otherwise I cud allowed my body to play on the name of commitment”…. “better. you have taken my innocence out of my soul” otherwise I cud be there in the dreamy world what does not exist. “best ..you have taken the hand that supports me’ Otherwise I will wait for the shadow to be with me in sunlight too… Waching the sun-set I don’t go mellow now Thinking romantic outings… It makes me feel numb as with darkness he used to Swallow me on the name of love… Now no one can hurt me .. Noone can pacify me … I am free spirit Losing my innocence and virginity I walked barefooted thinking Worst cud be more but By the grace of god I survived……. rohit
hmmmmmmmm... now those were some different thoughts! read something by u after a long time! good job like always!
..you have taken the hand that supports me’ Otherwise I will wait for the shadow to be with me in sunlight too… Does it really means ...then eht line shud be "otherwise i would have waited for the shadow to be with me in sunlight too.." and if its so great streach ..kitna soocha hoga tune itni duur jane ko !..hmm reps added !
cutting all that panegyrics, lemme tell u straight.. its extremely touchy, n deeply moving. good work!
You've expressed very nicely, putting across ur thought process very clearly.Most of all..i liked ur choice of title...Kudos! As u've posted ur poem here..i assume u wouldnt mind some criticism too? so now some bitter part! u do have that poetry knack..but here and there u have used a lilttle inapt words..which kinda kill the feel of poem..Im sure the next thing which will come to ur mind would be "What words..what is she talking about?" yes..here is one example:- Reps for sure
I love that you always write about things which most people do not think to write about. I hate that you don't do justice to your poetry. You've got the right way of thinking and I wouldn't call what you've written bad but I can't help thinking that this piece has so much more potential than you've brought out. I think you should make a serious effort into improving your grammar and vocabulary to bring out the best in you or perhaps switch to a different language. Good job but I was still disappointed. I thought this piece could have done much more.
well said....still needs to be improved ....the disappointment factor will act as catalyst ....even its good job and appreciated..... a kick on the ass is the movement forward........ cheers to all who has felt this as praiseworthy contribution..... rohit
