Smudged

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by horsesmouth, Jan 14, 2012.

  1. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    Hey,
    This aint exactly a poetic piece, rather a song I'd written sometime ago. I plan to make a piece of it as soon as I can.
    I dunno if this title suits the message I wanna convey through this. The obvious titles "colours of the sun" and "Where i belong" don't either. Any ideas??

    For now I'll name it:
    Smudged, as in smudged memories... (this is worse)

    In between the yellows of the darkness of a moonlit night,
    I miss the colours of the sun.
    I see the past it looks peculiar in the sparkling white,
    I dunno what they have become.

    There's something in your eyes I cannot see,
    They were wanting for a man I'd never be.
    They would hold forever long the places that we've gone,
    I wonder what they have become.

    The light's pure white and dark's the night, the rainbows are a monochrome,
    I miss the colours of the sun.
    I look at you I feel the days that went were never gone,
    I wonder what they have become.

    There's something in your eyes I cannot see,
    they were wanting for a man I'd never be.
    They would hold forever long the places that we've gone,
    I wonder what they have become.

    Peering at the yellows of the darkness of a moonlit night,
    I miss the colours of the sun.
    I see the past it looks peculiar in the sparkling white,
    I dunno what they have become.
    I see your eyes they're so deep and subtle as the sky,
    I know its there, where I belong.
     
  2. one word ...Beautiful... !!
     
  3. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    thanks :)
    Btw where's everybody?
     
  4. Jimmi quit Jody got married...
     
  5. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    I read these lines before but forgot to comment.. Good work man..
    and i recently started working on the song you had sent me sometime back... will take some time considering the work schedule and my lack of skills but i'll try to be as forthcoming as i can be...
     
  6. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    Ahh..thats totally fine buddy! I gave it to you cuz I place that faith. If its someone who can make the best of it, its you..

    And thanks for the comments...

    But joey could still comment, couldn't he? Maybe on honeymoon!
     
  7. metalhead_junky

    metalhead_junky New Member

    good one buddy!
     
  8. fairandlovely

    fairandlovely peeka-boo

    Why dont you want this to be a song? I liked this but it confused me. It seems to me that this is about a person involved with someone he or she is not in love with. This is why the night is moonlit yet the colors of the sun (the true love) is what the person aches for. At the end you seem to hint at death (belonging up in the sky?). Actually you know what this reminds me of? CITY OF ANGELS :)
     
  9. fairandlovely

    fairandlovely peeka-boo

    and for the title Id call this "Ramblings of the other guy"
     
  10. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    Ahh, your first half is partly correct.. the person isn't involved with anyone right now, but I meant that any happiness is not worth what could be if it was 'love'..
    in the sky doesn't mean death, rather it means the best is normally up in heaven..
     

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