Sleep my child

OMG!!!!!!!!!
The imagery was so moving..I can still see it in front of me...u truly can write excellent stuff....i am surprised(not really)..though i have never expected to write a poem in this theme...really nice...reps if permits...:beer:
by the way, what does pulchritudeness..i know it is something related to beauty..but u know that i am too lazy to check it even in an online dictionary... ...the sad part is, i had that word to translate in a latin roots test....and i think i missed it...still not wanting to go and check..so tell me..

 

^You pretty much got it angela, it's extreme physical beauty, and thank you, i'm grateful for your feedback :grin: And yeah, this is just like in the line of experimenting with various themes :grin:

 

lonnnnnnnnngggggg poooeeeeemmmmm......

but worth reading it...

 

^Um, thank you.

 

Now, i didnt wanna say anything yesterday with your becoming FL and all, but what exactly do you mean? As a FL we expect you to critique our poems and offer your opinions and the above quote hardly does so........

 

u wanted a detailed comment.. so im giving one....

vocabulary best....
description awesome...
concept of poem......:nw: :nw: :nw:

the part saying..... i shall let not another human enjoy........deformed mass of flesh n blood... shows the level of creativity.... great...

i think poetry is successful when a simple person cud appreciate thought behind it... at some points in ur poetry, i think....the touchyness gets blurred in the heavy words..
if the poem was more simpler...it wud have created more effect... somewhere...it seems heavy words are forced to squeez into ur poetry...
so only thing i wud like here is to let the poem flow naturally..... using more heavy n descriptive words,wherever needed n not everywhere.... cause it breaks the continuity....

anyways... im not so good at english poetries as well.... so it was like micheal jackson crticised by anu malik... but...its fun to reply here....:beer:

 

:annoyed: Who're you calling Michael Jackson? :shock:
In any case thank you for your elaborate critique, i really appreciate it. About the "touchyness" i wasnt aware that this poem was meant to be "touchy", a dark theme such as this needs sufficient vocabulary to buttress it and i did so. I'll try my best to keep it simple the next time. And the flow wasnt natural? Hm, that's something new i thought the ideas connected well...oh well, your opinion. Thanks again.
@Rani, means you read the poem or not? If you did, did you understand or not? If you did understand, did you like it or not?

 

*bump*....

 

u want comments about the theme?
extremely disturbing.

what on earth inspired u to write this?

 

Perhaps boredom....?





On a serious note, I don't see why people feel that all inspiration has to come from real life.

 

^ wt other kind of life is there? :

but seriously, i think u've got a good point. never thought about tht before.

 

check my sig

 

:sigh: A book called the Alienist by Caleb Carr describing psychology of sociopaths....

 

^^ Dude!!:shock:..You read that book!?
I had initially picked it up cos of the cover but it turned out to be quite fascinating actually. Awesome read.

 

^Course i did : How else could it serve an inspiration?

 

WOW, just wow. I mean, all this coming from an idiot like yourself, is amazing. Keep writing bro. You're really good.

 

:annoyed: Fcuker :grin: Thanks dude :beer:

 

*bump* Yes, i'm shameless :grin:

 

You have 30 odd replies and you still kept bumping this up? Agreed that some of them were pitiable but still?


I love how you seem to be fighting with yourself more than anything else in the entire theme. It's like two sides of you one of which is writing the poem and the other does not buy an iota of what you're saying here. That can't be easy.


It's wordy but a theme like this probably sounds nicer with a pompous tone to the verse like a righteous self declared god would sound like "Thou hast commited adultery".


In keeping with my word shall i fulfil my duty
I shall let not another human enjoy this beauty of yours


I was curious as to whether this had paedophilic undertones(or overtones?) to it?


This theme intimidates me a little but I do think you've captured the mindset plausibly. You turn my stomach at places.

So this place actually used to be alive huh?


p.s.- my *** is obvious in my song. also, I'd like a critique.