siskian

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by nandy0894, Oct 26, 2013.

  1. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    hum rote rhe raat bhr
    uss zalim ko zara bhi na kadar thi

    hum aankhei sujaate rhe
    uss zalim ko zara bhi na khabar thi

    hum jaam lutate gye
    us zalim ko zara bhi na bhanak lgi

    saansein hichkichati rhi raat bhr
    usne fir bhi na hmari khabar li

    subah uthkr kitni asaani se bss vo keh gya
    zara siskian daba lo...
     
  2. bahut khoob...

    kitni rook li kitni beh gayi boondain
    ya to main jaanu, ya takiya jaane..

    I loved your poem but i would say this could have been even more beautiful if you could have started with some story line and then concluded with your last lines
     
  3. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    shukria :) i'd try to rewrite it with a plot ..
     

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