Einstein's Chauffer This is a true life anecdote about Albert Einstein, and his theory of relativity. After having propounded his famous theorY, Albert Einstein would tour the various Universities in the United States, delivering lectures wherever he went. He was always accompanied by his faithful chauffer, Harry, who would attend each of these lectures while seated in the back row! One fine day, after Einstein had finished a lecture and was coming out of the auditorium into his vehicle, Harry addresses him and says, "Professor Einstein, I've heard your lecture on Relativity so many times, that if I were ever given the opportunity, I would be able to deliver it to perfection myself!" "Very well," replied Einstein, "I'm going to Dartmouth next week. They don't know me there. You can deliver the lecture as Einstein, and I'll take your place as Harry!" And so it went to be... Harry delivered the lecture to perfection, without a word out of place, while Einstein sat in the back row playing "chauffer", and enjoying a snooze for a change. Just as Harry was descending from the podium, however, one of the research assistants intercepted him, and began to ask him a question on the theory of relativity.... one that involved a lot of complex calculations and equations. Harry replied to the assistant "The answer to this question is very simple! In fact, it's so simple, that I'm going to let my chauffer answer it!"
Email A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy cold winter. They both had jobs, and had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address and sent the e-mail without noticing his error. In the mean time: In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been "called home to glory" following a heart attack (died and gone to report in heaven). The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from family and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read: To: My loving Wife From: Your Departed Husband Subject: I've arrived! I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here.
Great Moments in Physics The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen. "Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer." One student replied: "You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building." This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows: "Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer." "Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper." "But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqroot (l / g)." "Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up." "If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building." "But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'." The student was Niels Bohr, the only person from Denmark to win the Nobel prize for Physics.
Old Hindu legend... There was once a time when all human beings were gods, but they so abused their divinity that Brahma, the chief god, decided to take it away from them and hide it where it could never be found. Where to hide their divinity was the question. So Brahma called a council of the gods to help him decide. "Let's bury it deep in the earth," said the gods. But Brahma answered, "No, that will not do because humans will dig into the earth and find it." Then the gods said, "Let's sink it in the deepest ocean." But Brahma said, "No, not there, for they will learn to dive into the ocean and will find it." Then the gods said, "Let's take it to the top of the highest mountain and hide it there." But once again Brahma replied, "No, that will not do either, because they will eventually climb every mountain and once again take up their divinity." Then the gods gave up and said, "We do not know where to hide it, because it seems that there is no place on earth or in the sea that human beings will not eventually reach." Brahma thought for a long time and then said, "Here is what we will do. We will hide their divinity deep in the center of their own being, for humans will never think to look for it there." All the gods agreed that this was the perfect hiding place, and the deed was done. And since that time humans have been going up and down the earth, digging, diving, climbing, and exploring--searching for something already within themselves.
Appreciate what you have Appreciate what you have One day . . . a wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the country, so he could have his son see how poor country people live. They stayed one day and one night in the home of a very humble farmer. At the end of the trip, and when they were back home, the father asked his son, "What did you think of the trip?" The son replied, "Very nice dad." Then the father asked his son, "Did you notice how poor they were?" The son replied, "Yes." The father continued asking, "What did you learn?" The son responded, "I learned that we have one dog in our house, and they have four. Also, we have a fountain in our garden, but they have a stream that has no end. And we have imported lamps in our garden . . . where they have the stars! And our garden goes to the edge of our property. But they have the entire horizon as their back yard!" At the end of the son's reply the father was speechless. His son then said, "Thank you dad for showing me how poor we really are." Isn't it true that all depends on the lens you use to see life? One can ask himself what would happen if we give thanks for what we have instead of always asking for more. Learn to appreciate what you have. Wealth is all in one's point of view.
A Man and His Dog A Man and His Dog A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that his faithful dog had been dead for many years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. As he reached the wall, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch, and the street that led to the gate made from pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water? We have traveled far," the man said. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment, remembering all the years this dog remained loyal to him and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going. After another long walk he came to a plain dirt road, which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water? We have traveled far." "Yes, sure, there's a faucet over there." The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in and help yourself." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to his dog. "There should be a bowl by the faucet; he is welcome to share." They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned faucet with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is heaven," was the answer. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was heaven, too." "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?" "No. We're just happy that they screen out the folks who'd leave their best friends behind in exchange for material things."
Fear William Parker slammed the brakes. It was intentional. He was certainly not in a mood to kill a five-year-old girl on a state highway at eleven in the night. She was about fifty yards away when Parker noticed her on the road. The car came to a grinding halt and the girl just stared into the headlights without moving an inch from the road. William Parker put the distress lights on and got out of the car. "Hey, Kid... What are you doing here?" She didn't utter a word. She simply stared into the headlights. Parker looked around. There wasn't any car nearby. She could not have come there walking. The highway was deserted. Sunday night it was. Christmas was two days away. Most of the people had already reached their destination. The traffic was very less. Parker was doing eighty on that fifty-five miles per hour zone. He was absolutely sure that there would be no cop on that road at this hour. Little did he speculate about a wandering kid on the speed lane of the highway. "Are you OK?" he asked her suspiciously. She didn't reply. She was a cute little girl... just about the same age as Martha Parker, his daughter, who would be eagerly waiting for him and the presents he was carrying. Parker did not know what to do. There was not a single living soul on that road. The nearest town was around twenty miles away. "How did you come here, Kid?" He approached her slowly making sure he didn't scare the little girl. She looked at him. Parker could find terror in her eyes. He at once knew something bad had happened. He knelt before her and stroked her head. "Where are your parents?" he asked her. She started sobbing. "Momma... there" she pointed towards the bushes on the roadside. Parker was dumbfounded. He took her in his arms and slowly went to the other side of the road. It was pitch black and he could not see anything. He listened carefully to the sounds of the night trying to catch any human voice. The night was just calm. It looked like a black hole. He came back to his car, started it and drove to the other side of the road. Then he focussed the headlights on to the bushes. The wreck was clearly visible. It was a 1989 Buick. The front portion was totally damaged. The rear portion was relatively less mangled. He shivered. It was not because of the bitter cold. Parker had never before been in an accident site. Blood and gore scared him always. He slowly approached the wreck. "Anybody there?" He shouted. No answer. He moved a little closer and looked into the car. Ten seconds later he vomited. His head was spinning. The girl was staring into the car. He was sick. But his presence of mind suggested that the girl should be taken away from that site. He grabbed her and ran to his car. He entered the driver's seat and tried to think logically. Five minutes later, he regained his composure. His cell phone did not catch a signal. The nearest facility that would allow him to make a 911 call was twenty miles away. He turned to the girl and asked her, "We will go to the town and get someone here. OK?" She just stared at him and said nothing. He strapped her to the child seat in the back row of his Sedan and started the car. "What is your name?" he asked her. "Mary" her voice was barely audible. He nodded and stepped on the gas. He wanted to inform the police as soon as possible. Soon the odometer started oscillating near the 100 mark. "I hope you aren't hurt, are you?" He asked her. She didn't reply. There was a curve approaching. He had to reduce his speed. He stepped on the brakes. It took him two seconds to understand that the action had not done what it was supposed to do. The car still cruised at one hundred miles per hour. The curve was coming near. Frantically he slammed the brakes once again. The brake pedal went in loosely. Sweat appeared on the forehead of William Parker. "Help" he shouted unsure of who could help at that time. The curve was indeed a sharp curve and William Parker could not control his car at hundred miles per hour. The car jumped off the road into the bushes and smashed into a tree. A minute later, the little girl got out from the backseat and started walking towards the road. There was a car coming at a distance. She went to the middle of the road and stared into the headlights of the approaching car.
A Fascinating Story! A Fascinating Story! A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband,dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president of Harvard's outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge. She frowned. "We want to see the president," the man said softly. "He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped. "We'll wait," the lady replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away. They didn't. And the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted to do. "Maybe if they just see you for a few minutes, they'll leave," she told him. And he sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, but he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office. The president, stern-faced with dignity, strutted toward the couple. The lady told him, "We had a son that attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. And my husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus." The president wasn't touched, he was shocked. "Madam," he said gruffly. "We can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery". "Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue. We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard." The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical plant at Harvard." For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased. He could get rid of them now. And the lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it costs to start a University? Why don't we just start our own?" Her husband nodded. The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment. And Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the University that bears their name, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about. "You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who can do nothing for them or to them." Malcolm Forbes
Criminal Lawyers Award Criminal Lawyers Award A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued...and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires." NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
Keep On Singing Keep On Singing Like any good mother, when Karen found out that another baby was on the way, she did what she could to help her 3-year old son, Michael, prepare for a new sibling. They find out that the new baby is going to be a girl, and day after day, night after night, Michael sings to his sister in Mommy's tummy. The pregnancy progresses normally for Karen, an active member of the Panther Creek United Methodist Church in Morristown,Tennessee. Then the labor pains come. Every five minutes every minute. But complications arise during delivery. Hours of labor. Would a C-section be required? Finally, Michael's little sister is born. But she is in serious condition. With siren howling in the night, the ambulance rushes the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Mary's Hospital, Knoxville, Tennessee. The days inch by. The little girl gets worse. The pediatric specialist tells the parents, "There is very little hope. Be prepared for the worst." Karen and her husband contact a local cemetery about a burial plot. They have fixed up a special room in their home for the new baby - now they plan a funeral. Michael, keeps begging his parents to let him see his sister, "I want to sing to her," he says. Week two in intensive care. It looks as if a funeral will come before the week is over. Michael keeps nagging about singing to his sister, but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care. But Karen makes up her mind. She will take Michael whether they like it or not. If he doesn't see his sister now, he may never see her alive. She dresses him in an oversized scrub suit and marches him into ICU. He looks like a walking laundry basket, but the head nurse recognizes him as a child and bellows, "Get that kid out of here now! No children are allowed. The mother rises up strong in Karen, and the usually mild-mannered lady glares steel-eyed into the head nurse's face, her lips a firm line. "He is not leaving until he sings to his sister!" Karen tows Michael to his sister's bedside. He gazes at the tiny infant losing the battle to live. And he begins to sing. In the pure hearted voice of a 3-year-old, Michael sings: "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray --- " Instantly the baby girl responds. The pulse rate becomes calm and steady. Keep on singing, Michael. "You never know, dear, how much I love you, Please don't take my sunshine away---" The ragged, strained breathing becomes as smooth as a kitten's purr. Keep on singing, Michael. "The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms..." Michael's little sister relaxes as rest, healing rest, seems to sweep over her. Keep on singing, Michael. Tears conquer the face of the bossy head nurse. Karen glows. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Please don't, take my sunshine away." Funeral plans are scrapped. The next, day-the very next day-the little girl is well enough to go home! Woman's Day magazine called it "the miracle of a brother's song." The medical staff just called it a miracle. Karen called it a miracle of God's love! NEVER GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE
Stupid lawyer! Shoulda seen it coming.... The insurance companies know how to save their own asses.... Good work Amit
