Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by d_ist_urb_ed, Feb 26, 2006.

  1. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Take me into your arms, you did
    When the darkness was closing around me
    A shoulder to cry upon, you did provide
    As the world ignored my futile murmurs desperately seeking help
    From atop your golden mountain you reached down
    Held my hand, and gave me hope
    A whisper from you and the clouds cleared
    Letting the warmth of the sun wash away the consummate numbness consuming me
    In your infinite wisdom, you taught me
    that to live was not to wait for death, but to touch one and all around us
    And pray for a better tomorrow, holding on to hope
    You sought to understand the lusterless life that was mine,
    but will be no more, you have touched me.
    To the lowly dregs of His world does the Lord send Angels,
    to heal the pain, to protect against harm, and to change for the better
    You were mine.
    It would be a meager gesture to say that i am eternally grateful to you
    For words are frivolous nothings to express what i feel
    And as i hear your laughter echoing in my ears, i can think of but one thing
    Something that causes regret and reassures at the same time
    Why cant you be mine.........

    I had some difficulty writing this one, i dont think it's upto the mark, but i beg of you to be kind and give me your honest comments. What i need to fix and what not

    This poem dedicated to Petunia
  2. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    lovely poem dear..
    glad i'm the first to read it..

    you should write more poems..and on diffrnt topics..
    i like pleasant ones...strangely i do ..:)

    wont categorise this one..its better i dont;)

    Love the u
  3. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^Thank you sis, i wanted you to read this first, cause of a specific reason *smiles* I love you :grin:
  4. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    It's pretty much a "standard" tribute. Like you say at the end, words are seldom enough to express what people mean to us.

    Poems like this mean the world to the person they're for but are not great for a read. While there's nothing wrong with what you've written, there are times when I feel I might be trespassing.
  5. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    @bjr, thank you, i understand. Dont worry about trespassing, i discussed it with the person, and it'd be a blooming miracle if you actually figured out who it was. Come to think of it, i dont even think you know her.... And i very much appreciate you taking the time to read through my poems, i hope to write some good ones worthy of your criticism soon...
  6. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    no, I didn't think for a minute that it was someone I knew. The world isn't small enough.
  7. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Or vice versa in some cases.....
  8. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    hah, touche!
  9. Hardik

    Hardik .:.:.:BoRn TaLenT:.:.:.

    its b-e-a-utiful...made me remember someone...

    "that to live was not to wait for death, but to touch one and all around us"

    so simlpe..yet so beautiful...keep writing bro!!keep writing...:rock:
  10. guitarangela

    guitarangela gran'ma

    well, well, i know the person, sarat?...can i make a wild guess that her name start and with S___h....If not, forget the stupid guess:)...
    Really nice poem..i never knew that u write poems:think:
  11. amit82cse

    amit82cse Silent observeR

    well done @dist...
  12. #iR@


    AMAZING MAN! keep riting! u r on the PERFECT track!:grin: just one thing... next time try riting shorter sentences compared to the ones u rote above... casue i think short sentences are more impactful! but thats just my advice... :cool:
  13. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    @Hardik, thanks bro:) This theme of poems isnt exactly my in my humble opinion, this poem wasnt really anything special at all.
    @angela, you might, you might not :grin: And yeah, i started two days ago, lol.
    @amit, thank you buddy.
    @IR, thank you, you were one of my initial inspirations you know :grin:
  14. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Hey dist....nice one dude...u rock....i like ur technique as well.....and even i wanna know who that lucky one is.

    "behind every successful poet is his unsuccessful love"
  15. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^Hah, thanks bro, and the person and i talked about this, how everyone would be curious, haha :grin:
  16. tejas

    tejas ..........

    I loved it. The honesty shows...Keep writing mate. And oh yeah, she can be. Think about it.
  17. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^lol, some things werent meant to be bro :grin:
  18. Varshita

    Varshita New Member

    So u finally wrote it... Its beautiful.
    I like the way you have descibed the person's impact on to your life :)
    Never imagined you writing lovey dovey (as people categorize it) stuff. It has come out really well.
    I didnt need a dictionary .. so i m really happy about that part too !! :)
    The interrogator in me is still curious :eek::
  19. Varshita

    Varshita New Member

    by the way... the ironic part...
    Am i the only one who noticed?? or maybe i m trying to read too much in between the lines??
  20. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^Heh, nice, you noticed, but dont look at the lines seperately, look at them in the context of the poem :grin:

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